Friday, April 3, 2009

Friday 10 List-It's A Daily Thing

I am committed to change in my life. I want to grow, evolve and mature in my faith. I just want to die to certain things and be done with it. I want to turn the corner, slay the dragon and make some changes in my life, never to deal with certain issues again. I call this the church camp commitment. I LOVED church camp each summer from the time I was a child through highschool. I think that is why I married a youth minister so I could keep going to church camp each summer. The worship (even at a Baptist Church Camp) was awesome, the teaching was incredible and the mountain top experiences was like no other. By the last night of camp you were on such a spiritual high you were ready to take on hell with a water gun. Each year I would "recommit" my life to be a better Christian putting down things of my sinful nature and change the world. I came home looking and feeling like Moses did from Mt. Sinai because I had seen the Lord! But before the week was out I had fought with my brothers, sassed my mother and was struggling to do a daily quiet time. By the time school started in the fall my language was back to "normal" and I was fighting the daily struggle again. It made me feel like a hypocrite, failure and it cheapened what I had experienced. Each year when I would go back and start the same process again, but a seed of doubt was planted in the Lords power in my life and the power of my commitment. By my Senior year I was afraid to even try anymore. It has been the same feelings as an adult when I go to the Mary Kay seminar each year and set goals. I would feel God calling me to really do something and I hear the same whisper in my ear."Are you really going to do this? You did not do it last year. Your a liar and everyone knows it. You are making yourself look stupid. No one believes you are going to ever accomplish this because they have heard you say this all before. This is not for you or you would have already done it by now." Have you ever just had enough, drawn the line in the sand and made a decision to make a change only to fail completely?
I have come to a new conclusion as I have been going on target for my first Mary Kay car and doing this new bible study. It is a daily battle. It is always going to be a daily thing that is a struggle and that is part of the process of relying on Jesus. If we were able to make a decision and just do it then I would not need to depend on my Heavenly father. I would not need a Savior and forget to even rely on God. The commitment is only the first part of the change. So here are the things that I have come to the conclusion is going to be a daily battle towards things I want to improve on in my life.

1. Eating Right- Someday maybe I will enjoy drinking water as much as a Dr. Pepper or veggies will sound better to me than a Sonic burger. Someday my commitment to my diet will be stronger than my love for chocolate. If not then I will daily give that to God.

2. Being a Good Mom- I will be able to enjoy my kids and not focus on the messes they leave. I will appreciate the sweetness of Madie wanting to held and not be irritated I have to clean my house with one hand. I will be more patient and less quick to yell. Daily I will concentrate on how patient the Lord is with me and respond to them out of that same unconditional love.

3. Not caring what people think- I don't think I will ever "arrive" on that goal. As I have blogged before that one will always be my "thorn in the flesh" that will draw me into my need for a perfect Savior.

4. Fear of rejection and rejection of my children. Man children entering school and sports has opened an entire new realm of the fear of rejection. It is a daily battle to not let the lioness out of the cage to whip up on another child who hurts my kids feelings or a parent that makes a passing remark about them.

5. Choosing to not have a spirit of offence- I will chose to take myself out of the equation when things are said and I take them as a direct slight. I am DAILY and sometimes MOMENT BY MOMENT choosing to filter everything I want to react to through prayer. That means praying before I respond to things and consciously trying not to be offended.

6. My Schedule- Being disciplined to start my day earlier so I can pray and read my bible before my kids get up. Exercise more and go to bed at a decent time. I need to DAILY monitor how much time I waste on the phone, on facebook or watching T.V.

7. Spiritual Disciplines- It is sad to say that I have been a Christian for a long time and the Lord has seen me through a lot of things that has grown my faith and I still struggle with a daily quiet time. It is a daily sacrifice to start my day in prayer and my own personal bible study. It is also a struggle to memorize scripture.

8. Holding Every Thought Captive- To think positive. To catch a negative thought that enters my mind and not let my thoughts dwell on it and then react on it. This includes worry and trying to reason things out that the Lord want to work out the details on situations in my life.

9. Balance- Balance between the ministry of the Church, my Mary Kay, the kids, Darin, my personal relationship with Christ, having a clean house and my girlfriends. It is not ever going to be planned out and all things running smoothly.

10. Peace- Having the peace that passed all understanding through any situation and the faith to pursue peace is a DAILY battle.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I just can't do ALL things through myself and my own strength. God gives us our daily bread. So this means I have to check in daily for the grace and power that I need for the change in my life. So today I work on these things and filter everything through the power of Christ. Because He is the Author and Prefector of my life.

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