Thursday, April 30, 2009

Our God Is Faithful!

Where do I start! God has blown my mind in the last two days I am left speechless and in awe! He has broken my belief barrier has been broken. Anything! Anything! Anthing is possible with God! If you read my last post on where I was at in my Sunday night confession I will tell you how the nets have been cast on the other side of the boat and came in abundantly! The funny thing is God may not work on our time but he is never late. When I came to the revelation last Sunday that God was going to see us through I still waited. I had to wait for two more days and keep working even when I saw no results. I had to still rest on the promise I had been given and wait for the results. When going for qualifications for car production or directorship you have to have a minimum of $4000 in production between you and your team for four month for a combined total of $18,000 at the end of the 4th month and 12 active personal team members. So as of yesterday at 5:00 pm (yesterday was our last day to process orders ourselves) we were still at $1981.50. That number had not moved in two weeks! I knew I was placing a big order to restock my inventory and I had a couple of people who had told me they were placing their orders that night. But nothing is bankable until it is completed. Things got busy at 7:00. I was helping a new team member place her initial inventory and my phone started ringing off the hook. I had team members come out of the woodwork that placed orders. One had not ordered in a year. By the time I went to bed last night at midnight we were at $9310.50 in production! After some figures were done Darin (my details person) figured out I only needed $731 to finish the requirements for car production. Today being the last day of the month I did not see how that was going to happen. But I stepped out in faith. I did not want to ask any of my team to place orders so I could win a car. A lot had already come through for me. So I sent an email explaining that they could still submit orders if they sent them through our directors today and telling them where we were at. Two of my team members stepped up to the plate and each put in $400 wholesale orders and put me over the top. We finished our car qualifications a month early! I had confidence that when the first order came in at 2:00 pm today that it was done. God would not leave me at half way. The other order came in at 10:30 tonight. I truly believe now that if you work like it is all dependent on you and believe that the results are dependent on God you can accomplish huge things! What seemed impossible to me two months ago is coming easier and easier. My mind is expanding on the possibilities and drawing my dreams in closer. This is not just about winning a car. This is providing us with real money to get debt free in the next 6 months. (There I have said it, claimed it and put it out there in black and white. We will be debt free in 6 months.) I am blessed by all the people in my life that rallied for me! Those who texted or call me today to check in. Those who prayed for and sent the word out to their prayer warriors. I am in awe of the might God we serve.

To answer the frequently asked questions.

Yes, it is a real car and the company pays the tax, title & licence and 85% of the insurance on it.

No, it is not the pink Cadillac. It is a Pontiac Vibe or G6 at the consultants level. Then there are two more levels of car.

No, we are not taking the car but the cash option. The cash option is $375 a month. We are doing this because a G6 does not have a big enough back seat for three car seats and if you take the car you are stuck with it for two years. We are planning on going into qualification for the Pink Caddy in the next 6 months.

The women that have come into my life through this company are awesome! I get to do life with them now. The way my friends & family have rallied behind me is such a blessing. But the way my God came through this time has forever changed my thinking.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:1-2

Monday, April 27, 2009

Dalton's 7th Birthday Party

Dalton's cool Yoda cake. My friend Heather Clark made it. It was Yummy! This was my first party that I paid to have somewhere else. We did it at the San Marcos Sun Set Lanes. It was the easiest party I have done. The kids had a blast. They each bowled under an alias Star Wars name. I had to have Darin type in the names for spelling. But you could tell the generation gap. There was no Luke Skywalker or Hans Solo. They were all Clone Wars characters and Anakin Skywalker is now a good guy they all want to be.

Dalton and his best buddy from school Nolan. Nolan lives around the corner from us and they are in the same class.

These pictures say it all. These three boys are partners in crime. Dalton and the Chinni boys, Nolan & Jakob.

Dalton and Parker his friend from church.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Sunday Night Confessions

Another week means another week of confessions. Let's see where to start on my list from this week. It is the last week of the month of April. My first full month of qualifications to become a Mary Kay director and my third month of production of winning my car. When the 7 day mark hit on Friday and I was $2000 short. (Still am as of tonight.) I had an internal freak out and almost panic attack. We have not come this close to the end of the month in the last two months and come so down to the wire. I tried not to take it out on my family and dug into the scriptures to do my Friday 10 list. Isaiah 43:18&19. (It is written out in my last blog.) But this was like the Lord speaking to me in my current situation. Then this morning the pastor preached on John 21 where the disciples were fishing with no luck and Jesus called out to them from the shoreline to cast their nets on the other side. He pointed out that they had been fishing all night and they had probably tried the other side at some point. They were experienced fishermen and knew what they were doing. It hit me. I have been a Mary Kay Consultant for many years but I am doing things that I have never done before. My own belief barriers are being broken weekly as I keep doing more than I have ever done before. But I must confess that I fear failure. I fear the coming down to the wire and throwing myself completely into it and still coming up short. The first two months of car production and going into DIQ I had managed to avoid this situation that I am now facing down. But God spoke to me today in the sermon. Keep trusting Jesus and be willing to keep throwing the net out, even over places that have been tried in the past. Then, I had three consultant call me about the orders they are placing this week and it looks like it we are going to finish car production a month early. I was worried about needing $2000 by the end of the month and we are going to have $4600 come in by the end of the month. I can't believe He is coming through so quickly. This is such a step of faith for me where God is showing me that he is my provider. I have never done so much in my entire time as a consultant. I am winning a car, becoming a director and really making a difference in our finances. There are things that I have dreamed about, talked about and put off for 10 years because I my fear of stepping out of the boat. The four months of qualifications scared me to the point of avoiding this process. Now that I am here and doing it, I wish I had done it years ago. I am breaking my own belief barriers daily and walking on water with Jesus.

Now onto the funnier things I must confess:
* Friday, the girls went to stay with grandma and I took Dalton on a spontaneous date to the movies. It was an awesome night with him. He got to spend his birthday money on stuff for his Wii and he got to stay up and play it with his Dad until 11. Then he repaid us the next two days by being a complete turkey. I must confess I was so frustrated I wanted to tell him that it would be a long time before I did that for him again.
* Madie's birthday is a week away and I have not begun to plan for her party. I will have to push back her party a week.
* I must confess that I am ready for baseball and dance to be over for the season but not quite ready for school to be out.
* I have just finished reading Twilight for the third time and starting Eclipse.
Sorry I guess these were not as funny as I thought. Just my realities for the week.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Friday 10 List! Who My Jesus is to me.....

Why do we love Romantic movies, books and shows? I am a huge sucker for a happy ending and yearn to cry over a sweet romance. I long for the shoe to fit and prince charming to carry me away to be the princess I was meant to be. In my mind I am Elizabeth Swan fighting a pirate battle along side of the man I love and sailing off into the sunset with him to share in many grand adventures. Oh, to be rescued from peril like Maid Marion crying out to Robin Hood to save the day. To be pursued through time like Edward is to Bella by an invincible protector with super human strength to share a love together for eternity. Weather it be Noah & Allie, Romeo & Juliet, or Rhett & Scarlett. We long for what these lovers have and try to escape into these worlds when our lives don't measure up. But I have been on a journey and have been completely inspired when I was swept away in the Twilight Saga. We as Christian women can have it all. I bought into the line that I was married and needed to live in reality. Life was not a fairy tale and I was a wife and mother now. It was time to grow up be mature and put aside those silly school girl fantasys. After all good Christian women should not need any further romance right? We should be satified with what we have. I felt silly and was inside crying out "Is this all there is?" What I discovered after listening to a Beth Moore teaching was that, those seeds of forever have been placed into our hearts and those desires are a need that can only be filled by Jesus Christ. He is the rider of the white horse that is coming back to rescue us. His love is forever, it is unending and he will never leave us or forsake us. When I began to project that role onto it's proper place for Christ to play in my life. I released my husband from a lot of undue burden and found and earthly romance with him that began to blow me away. In just a short time I was 18 again and in love with the boy who wooed me so long ago. The boy that pursued my heart before the weight of the world came crashing down on him when took on the role of being a provider for a wife and kids. Then I read the book Captivating, it backed up everything I was feeling. One quote I wrote down form it was,

"Christianity changes dramatically when we discover that it, too is a great romance. That God yearns to share a life of beauty, intimacy and adventure with us."

I have gushed on here about the love and respect I have for Darin and my kids but I have not gushed on the other love in my life. So I thought I would devote my 10 list to some of the characteristics I have been searching scripture for and what I came up with.

1. The Lover who has searched through the ages for me, his love is timeless and forever.
" I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have drawn you with loving kindness." Jer. 21:3

My thought: The idea that captured me into the Twilight books (and the romanticism behind the Vampire story) is the love story behind it. The idea of a searching through time for the love of his life. The idea that this man has waited for his love, hunted and searched for her and wooed her to him. I love the process of finding the love of your life.

2. He is the lifter of my head, and restores me from the pit I was put in.
"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me & heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud & the mire. He set my foot on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand." Ps. 40:1&2

My thoughts: I am the maiden that was meant for better things than this life can offer. There is a villain who is hunting me, roaring like a lion to steal kill and destroy. Cinderella's shoe fit when I accepted Christ into my life. There is a hero who defeats and will destroy the monster that is hunting me.

3. He is jealous for me, my attention and my love.
"I am a jealous God...." Ex 20:5

4. He bestows Glory on me.
"But you are a shield around me, o Lord. You bestow glory up on me & lift my head." Ps. 3:3

My thoughts: Like in the movie The Prince & Me, When Julia Styles is in the crowd in Denmark trying to get Edwards attention. He is the prince riding through the crowd andwhen he hears her he turns his horse around and races back to her. Then in one swift movement pulls her up on his horse and races to get her into the walls of the castle. He chose her from the crowd of many and lifted her out of it and placed a crown upon her head by asking her to be his Queen.

5. He is my help....
" I lift my eyes to the Hills-where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord maker of Heaven and Earth." Ps. 121:1 &2

6. He watches over me even as I sleep.
"He will not let your foot slip-he who watches over you will not slumber: indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you-the Lord is the shade on your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm-he will watch over your life,the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forever more." Ps. 121 3-8

7. He knows me and what I need better than I know myself
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart:"
Jer. 1:5 a

8. He will never leave of forsake me
"Those who know your name will trust in you. for you, Lord, never forsaken those who seek you." Ps. 9:10

9. He is my protector & shield from the battle of life and delivers me from it.
" O sovereign Lord, my strong deliverer, who shields my head in the day of battle." Ps. 140:7

My picture: The mental picture of a man moving the heroine behind him with one arm to protect her from battle and fighting to protect her with the other.

10. He is my great provider.
"Forget the former things: do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. The Wild Animals honor me, the jackals and the owls, because I provide water in the desert and streams in the wasteland, to give drink to my people, my chosen the people I formed for myself that they may proclaim my praise." Isaiah 43:18-21

"I will pour out water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour out my spirit on your offspring, and my blessings upon your descendants."

My thoughts: I bawled in Fire Proof when she realized that her husband had been the one who provided the medical equipment for her mother and never told her.

My thoughts: This released my fear of Darin being the provider to me. I could release him to His ministry and take the stress off of him because he was not dealing with the stress of my fears and doubts on top of his own weakness.

11. His Compassion and gentleness for me.
"He will wipe away every tear from their eye.." Rev 21:4a

My picture: The beauty of a man lifting a burden woman's face and cupping it in his hard. Then wiping the tears away with his thumbs. That is what I see Jesus doing.

12. He has already given his own life for my sake, he has redeemed me

"But now he has appeared once and for all at the end of the ages to do away with sin by the sacrifice of himself." Hebrews 9:26b

I wanted to inspire the wives that may read this that this thought process changed my marriage. When I began to fall in love with Jesus and seek these things out in scripture and prayer I began to fall in love with Darin again just like the days when we were dating.

Easter 09

The Easter Egg hunt at church.

The cool shot I got at my moms house of this lizard. Dalton tried to catch it.

The kids with my mom.

Dalton with his Great Grandpa. Grandad was trying to take his money he found in an Easter Egg.

Brighton hunting eggs at the church Easter Egg Hunt.

Madie kept stopping to open hers during the hunt.

Madie with the Easter Bunny.

We took several family pictures and this was the best one we got. It is so hard to get all three looking at one time. This blog is not laid our well. But I am frustrated trying to get the pictures uploaded and this was the best I can do for now. Just wanted to share some Easter shots.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Sunday Night Confessions

It's Sunday and time for my Sunday night confessions. These are all meant for fun to help me not take myself so seriously and destress after a week of running my house, chasing kids and being married.....

1.Kids Birthday's stress me out. I love looking at the pictures afterwards but man they are not fun to plan or to go to.

2.A couple of weeks ago I was so flustered at a fit Brigthon threw in the middle of the YMCA that I walked out to the car scolding her and my arms felt empty. I realized I had left Madie. At least I left her in the nursery and not in the middle of the work out floor.

3.I had to break down and hire a housekeeper.

4.I had to dig socks out of the basket of laundry that I washed on Monday that did not get folded until Thursday night.

5.I think lunchables are one of the best things created for kids lunches.

6.I used some of the kids Easter candy to fill the goody bags for Dalton's party favors. (They got so much candy)

7. 8:00 is the best time of the day for me. (It is the kids bed time.)

Friday, April 17, 2009

Friday 10 List I am that mom...

Easter pictures are coming and will be posted this weekend sometime. There is a lot going on right now in the Koenig house, not bad, just a time of transition. I was going to put a serious 10 list about some of it but what is the fun in that? My 10 list was meant to make people laugh. Motherhood especially needs to be laughed at. There are so many moments that you have to laugh or you might cry. I had dreams of what I thought motherhood would be and the type of mother I thought I would be someday. I have come the place that I realize it is an evolution process. My life, my circumstances, my children and God are forming me into the kind of mother that I am and the one I hope to be. But here are some of the things I I have come to embrace as the type of mother that I am...,
1. I love themes. Birthdays are the best and are all about the theme of the event and I go all out. You should have seen how cool Dalton's pirate party was last year. All my kids names follow a theme of ending of "on" Dalton, Brighton and Madison. I went back and forth on Madsion's name because it did not end in 'ton". If she had been a boy she was going to be a Colton or Stetson. If I had had twins they would have had rhyming names or names that started with the same letter. Yes I will admit it, I am that mother.
2. I love having two girls and dressing them alike. On Sundays I like us all to match in colors. In the back of my mind I plan Sunday wardrobes as if we took a family picture we would all match. I tell myself that it is because it makes laundry easier but it goes back to my need for matching, color coordinating and themes. I admit it. I am that mom.

3. I have surprised myself that I am not the mom that is up at the school all the time. I am not the room mom and volunteer at school. I am not on the PTA and have not been able to make it to a single school party this year. I am not bragging about this. Maybe it is due to life being crazy right now. Or because the years of teaching school are not a distant enough memory and that it all come rushing back when I step into the doors of the school. I also think that for the first time in my life I was not on the inner workings of running things. Like when I taught school or have run the kids programs at church. I can simply drop my child off, know that he is happy and safe and go on about my way. Dalton is in a fabulous school and has a wonderful teacher. My girlfriends send me pictures they have taken at the parties.

4. I am not the mom that bakes. My kids think cutting apart the cookie squares of cookie dough and putting it in the over is baking cookies. Store bought treats for things are not a problem with this mom.

5. I am the mom who has convinced my daughters that pink is the only color that matters. As Brighton would say, "All dose odder colos are ugly." They think putting in a matching bow for their hair is part of getting dressed I have taught them that you can never have too many shoes and lip gloss is a must.

6. I am mom that loves Super Heros. I am the one that wants to take Dalton to all of the comic book movies that are released, Spider Man, Iron Man and Xmen. I love Star Wars and enjoy watching the Clone Wars on Cartoon Network with Dalton. Before I had kids I took my nephews to one of the Xmen movies when it came out. I can be a mom for boys too.

7. I am that mom that can't let things go. My kids wish I would and I have tired to stay calm about the messes they make. But I hate to admit it I am a mom that yells and wants things picked up at night. If my kids would just get that putting one thing away before they get something else out would make for a happier mom that yells a lot less life would be easier for all of us.

8. I am that mom that loves to be known as Dalton's mom. It was the coolest thing when I had them that I was somebody's mom. I love it when people see Brighton and say, "I know who you belong to." Or they see Madie's sweet smile and curly hair and ask me if she is mine. I am a mom that loves when people gawk at my kids when we walk into place and tell me how beautiful they are.

9. I came to realize that I am a working mom. I am not a stay at home mom. I am a mom that works from home. Mary Kay has exploded to such a level that I had to give myself grace that I am a working mom and I need help. Just like when Dalton was a baby and I was still teaching. I am a working mom with two more kids and a bigger house to clean. I had to break down and hire a house keeper for help.

10. I am a fun mom. I may not like playing board games with my kids. But I love to dance around the living room with them to music. Playing chase and wrestling are the best. I hate play dates and story time at the library is stressful for me. But I love to laugh with them. I love to play Wii with Dalton and beauty shop with the girls. I love to take them to experience new things and see things through there eyes. I don't think I will ever enjoy doing crafts with them because all I see is the mess that I am going to have to clean up. But I can make a tent and project movies on the wall.

11. I am a mom that loves their daddy and they know it. They squeal when we kiss and try to stand between us. The other morning in bed Madie was with us and she was saying kiss and would kiss each of us. Then she said "Kiss" and pushed our heads together.
12. I am a mom that loves Jesus and wants them to love him too. I have come to realize that it is worth getting up an hour before they do to spend time in the bible and prayer. As much as I have rebelled against this I am a better mom on the days I do this.
I am not a perfect mom, I am a work in progress. I am a mom a that struggles with perfectionism and getting overwhelmed easily. I am a mom that is still adjusting to having three kids. But, I love my kids and am learning to take it one day at a time.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Growing Pains

Man when I started this bible study, Becoming the Woman I Want to Be. I thought, "OK lets take a breather from some the intensity of the last Beth Moore study we did. " This should be good and very simple. It has so far been very simple and things that I have known I should be doing for years and things I already am doing. The lessons each day are short and simple, the scriptures are in the book so I am not having to flip all over the bible and can take this book anywhere and work on it. But because of it's simplicity I have taken it for granted and some weeks done three or four lessons, "just to get through it" so I would be prepared for Wed. morning bible study. Which is hard to confess to because I am the leader. Donna has asked us to fast at different times throughout the study and each time I have done something simple like, fasting from facebook, or from foods not really stepping up to where I thought the Lord wanted to grow me. One Saturday I told the Lord I would try to fast on Saturday. Well I set myself up for failure by going into with a sigh and a try and not real conviction. We had a birthday party that day and they were serving hot dogs so I got up and got me one with a small bag of chips. I ate it knowing my defiance as I took each bite. I was not even hungry and I don't even like hot dogs. I wore the shroud of my disobedience around me the rest of that day. I was so upset with myself and convicted I felt like calling my Pastor to confess. Then a couple of weeks later she challenged us to get up an hour before our families and getting with the Lord at the start of our day. I have rebelled against that thought for years. My thought was as long as I am giving God some part of my day that should be enough and it is a lot more than most people do. I do my quiet times after the kids go down for a nap. But I knew that even then I struggled to get it in because things would come up and life happened. So I freaked out about having to get up at 5:30 and set my alarm grumbling as I went to bed that night. My alarm went off and I shut it off. I laid there and thought, "God not today. The kids were up last night. I will start tomorrow." I rolled over and went back to sleep. 15 minutes later my eyes opened and I felt sick. I clearly heard in my head,"Do you want to feel like you did when you did not fast?" So I got up and went downstairs. It was a wonderful time and I had a great day because of it. I wish I could tell you I have done that everyday since. But I have not until this week. This book sucker punched me in the gut Tuesday night. I have never lost sleep over such heavy conviction. She pointed out in the study that what we talk about the most is the key to letting other people into our hearts. It said, "I can't do what ever I feel like doing and expect a victory." God brought to my attention the things I rant about and have let myself become obsessed with. The fact that I say I want to lose weight and eat what ever I want throwing in a glass of water and a salad. I still live in defiance about my quiet time, my prayer life, and my discipline. Through this study and especially this week God has not let up. This is hard and today I and I want to sit in the corner and cry. Things that I have 'oh welled' about in the past I can not let go. I know that this is a stage of growth personally, physically, spiritually and in my Mary Kay. But this is hard. This is not fun. After all these years and all that God has done for me, this time he is not letting me off the hook. It is also a time of loneliness. I am not sure why but I think God is drawing me into more of a dependence on him and not others and I feel a little secluded. It has just been a struggle for a few weeks. I do know the victory is worth it. I really love the person I am becoming. I am thankful for a Savior that does not leave us the way we are and gently moves us on, but today is hard. This is more painful that I thought it would be and I was not prepared for it. I do praise God for it and I am embracing it. I just wanted to process this today in hopes of helping me press on. I just ask for your prayers and thank you for reading.
"Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No I beat my body and make it a slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."
1 Corinthians 9:26-27
Please remember my sister-in-law Jenny. Her grandmother is very sick and this is her last living grandparent. Praying for you girl and I hurt for you and your family.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Sunday Night Confessions

My friend Julie started "Not Me Mondays" on her blog. So I must give her credit first. I thought it would be funny to start a Sunday night confessions from a pastor's wife. I guess I will open the windows even more the glass house I live in. No, I really just want to make other mother's and wives sigh with relief that they are not the only one's who do some of these things or to let you know how I real I can be. I want to be reminded that in this world there are no perfect people. We are all flawed and struggling in our own way. That is why we are in need of a perfect savior who embraces are weakness and grows us into more than we ever thought we could be.

1. I think my girls went two days this week with out their teeth brushed. Darin had been doing bath time and forgot because Madie hid the tooth brushes that were in the tub and I did not do it in the morning because I thought he was doing it at bath time.

2. Last Sunday night I got Dalton all hyped up that his birthday was Monday morning to find out from Darin that I was a day off. His birthday is the 7th not the 6th. So we had to let him down that he had to wait one more day for his birthday.

3. In preparation for Easter and still running my Mary Kay my kids did not get one home cooked meal all week. They had sandwiches, hot dogs and bowls of cereal and chicken nuggets at lunch in the car. This week we are eating a lot healthier.

4. Monday I started reading Twilight again for the third time. I just can't find any other fiction I want to read after getting into this series. I am not ready to leave the world of Forks and am so hoping Stephanie Meyers finishes and publishes Midnight Sun. I am so high strung I have to read fiction at night to go to sleep.

5. Want to know the difference between my husband and me? We went to the cell phone place to adjust our plans since we are taking over his plan. I wanted to find out if I could cut my bill down by cutting my minutes and do a family share plan. The guys laughed at me when they shared our minutes usage. Last month my minute usage was over 2400 min and his was 400.
Yea imagine the conversations in my house.

6. I totally used facebook last week to solicit comments to my blog.

7. I realized over these last two weeks that I am way to attached to my best friend. She has been sick and in bed and I have been way to sad over not talking to her.

8. I struggle going to bed at night like a child and fight sleep trying to get every ounce out of the day but yet can not get up easily in the morning. I really do want to get up an hour before my kids do and do a quiet time.

9. Today my mom sent a chocolate cake home with us and my first thought was, "Great breakfast is covered for the week." ( Seriously I would not do that to Dalton's teacher. It would undo the fish oil he gets, but I thought it.)

10. Yes, I did dig through the kids Easter Eggs and pull all of the little packs of nerds out for me.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Easter Check List

Girls matching Dresses for Easter Check. Still need to find the matching bows. Madie has new white sandals and Brighton's still need to be traded for a smaller size. Dalton has a matching new shirtcheck, but needs some shorts. Preparation for the church's Easter Egg hunt and Sunday services done. Darin has been so busy all week. My main job was all the advertising and it made for a long week. Easter plans at Nonna's & Grandpa's made, check. On top of it all Dalton's birthday fell on Easter week this week. I did my best to keep focused on Mary Kay this week, last year I took two weeks off because of the Big Hunt. Easter is our busiest time of year and there are so many details that have to come together up until the final moment. Things can get very hectic and stressful. Darin and I get so bogged down that we look forward to the Monday after Easter where we can crash. It hit me the other day that the true meaning of Easter is getting lost in the process. Are my children getting taught the real meaning of Easter and the significance of it? I want them to have fun at Easter Egg Hunts and I want the pictures of them each year in their pretty outfits. But in the middle of the craziness of it all there is no down time for solitude and remembrance. I miss not going to a Good Friday service. I think I will have to find a way to implement that next year into our Easter traditions.
Lord, forgive me for not making time for you this Easter. Thank you for the cross and never let me take it for granted or forget it's power. Thank you for the gentle reminder of the real reason for Easter before it passed me by this year. Help me to impress the story of Jesus on the hearts of my three little children. Bless our services tomorrow that the people who come would openly hear the message of your salvation and respond.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Friday 10 list!!! Before I was a mother....

Before I was a mother......
1. I only thought my house was messy, it was spotless compared to the disaster it is now. I only thought I had a lot of dishes and laundry.

2. I thought other people's kids were so cute and I awed over every pretty baby I saw. I always wanted to hold the babies at church. Now I think mine are the cutest the children in the world and I don't really have an urge to hold other babies.
3. I kept up with current things on T.V. while they were hot and in regular season. Now I know which channel Dora is on through out the day and the three different times I can catch new episodes. All the the shows I watch are in syndication and are reruns.
4. I spent $75 a week on groceries and Darin and I could eat a nice meal out for $20. Now think I am staying on budget when I get out of grocery shopping for $150 a week and McDonalds for our family is over $25.

5. Going places could be spontaneous and getting out the door was effortless. Now I pray for peace and I get the right socks and shoes on 6 little feet and is like herding cattle to get all three out to the car. (Half the time I don't have the diaper bag.)

6. I was able to take pictures without thinking in 'themes' of layouts for scrapbook pages.
7. I was board on Saturdays when Darin had to work and would think to myself, "I wish I had a baby to play with and take shopping with and I would not have to be so alone." Now it is a treat just to get to grocery shop all alone.

8. Before the silence of an empty house drove me crazy and I did not enjoy being alone. Now.... well perspective is a funny thing.

9. I drove way too fast. At one point I had Deferred Adjudication in three different counties in North Texas. After I had kids I slowed way down.
10. I could not handle vomit at all and had the weakest stomach. Now I have on more than one occasion used my body as a human shield to keep a childs vomit from getting on my comforter or the carpet while rushing them to the bathroom.
11. I dreamed of vacations in Hawaii and exotic places with Darin. Now Disney World commercials make me tear up because I can't wait to see their reactions when we finally get to take them there.

12. Before I had kids I did not have a way to meet people as easily. My girlfriends all have kids the same age and we share a bond of surviving motherhood.

13. Holidays were not as fun. I get to make each holiday as big as I want them to be. Playing Santa and setting up Christmas morning is the best. Valentine's, Halloween, Easter Eggs give us a lot of left over candy to eat. Shopping for Halloween costumes and Easter outfits are a blast.

Planning the themes for birthday parties are fun each year.

12. Before I had kids Darin and I were a young married couple living together. Now we are a family bound together. Each one of our children are pieces of each one of us. Together we are creating a life and legacy and the bond between us was not as strong before we had kids.

Before the kids I did not have the love of a little boy that leaves me with the funniest stories to tell. No baseball player to cheer for and I get to wear the picture button on game day. I really can't wait to wear the sports t-shirt that says "Dalton's mom." Before the kids I did not have a mini me that wants to do everything I do and is my mirror image. I get to shop for the girly stuff I am too old to buy for myself or would have loved as a kid. I am loving getting to dress her up in her dance clothes each week. Before I had kids I did not have the kisses of a two year old. Before I had kids I was never welcomed home with the excitement that my kids meet me at the door with.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Feeling Old

I thought 30 was old until I got there. I thought being married for over 10 years sounded old until I reached that mile stone. I thought being the minivan (although I love my Explorer) driving baseball mom (because my kids don't play soccer) of three sounded old until I brought baby number three home. Now I am taking one to dance and one to baseball. Next year we will be going three different directions. When Dalton turned five it was a milestone but he was still my baby boy. But being a mom of a 7 year old boy is pushing it. 7 sounds so old! I remember being 7 years old. I had a magic show birthday party. Bethany and Heather do you remember that? In my mind I am a skinny 18 year old with adult responsibilities. (In my mind I am still wearing size 3 Rocky Mountain jeans too.) What is also hard to swallow is remember when my mom was my age. Then sounding like her when I say things is hard to take in. But lately life is passing too fast. In May my baby will turn 2 and then there will be no more babies in my house. I once told Darin I would never was to do permanent birth control, and that I always wanted the option of having as many children as I wanted. My mother always regretted not having another and I could not see myself feeling like I would never have another baby. Then I had three! Yea, I knew I was done when I got pregnant with her. Yesterday I went to the hospital to see my friends baby and when I held her I thought it would make me want another one. NOPE! She is a pretty bundle of little girl, but I gladly handed her back and went home to my almost potty trained baby girl. My handsome husband will be 35 this year. In five years I will be married to a 40 year old! Although he does not look a day over 30. Wasn't it yesterday that he was my college beau of 21? To top it all off my little Brighton is 4 going 13! She asked me the other day, when can I be in Mary Kay with you and go to your meetings? I told her when she is 18 I will sign her up and take her with me. She looked at me with her twinkling blue eyes and said, "How 'bout when I'm five." Brighton thinks the world is going to drastically change for her when she's five. She thinks when she is five she is also going to get to start wearing make up and get to spend the night with her friends. Then yesterday she asked me, "When can I drive?"
Today looking at the trashed toy room I will try to cherish these days while I pick up the pile of dumped over mountain of crayons for the 100th time this week.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Has it really been 7 years?

My baby boy is 7 years old today. I can't beleive it. It seems like yesterday I had just found out I was pregnant. It was late July and I was at a Mary Kay Seminar. I thought I might me and was so excited. To be fair to Darin I waited until I got home to take a test (as much as the other ladies wanted me to take one while we were in Dallas). Thank goodness we lived in Fort Worth and I did not have a long drive home. That following Monday, was my first day back teaching and we were opening a new school. I could not wait to tell Madonna Kennedy my principal who at the time had become an adoptive mother in North Texas to me. By the end of that year we had 7 pregnant teachers and 3 of us were in the Special Ed department. I remember going to the doctor in November to find out if Dalton was a boy or a girl. We were going to find out if it we were having a Dalton or a Brighton that day. My hopes were so high for a little girl. I had vision of a beautiful pink nursery for our guest bedroom. With big cursive letters painted on the wall "Brighton", like they had in the Brighton store. But I knew in the back of my mind it was a boy. Everyone else I knew that was pregnant was having a girl and I knew the odds. I tried not to be disappointed when she told me it was a little boy. Little Dalton James. You should have seen Darin stand a little taller when they told us. He had made a man child. (I thought this was a joke until the men at church the following Sunday congradulated him on for the boy with puffed up chests.) Being the only son and his dad being an only child he was proud to have a Koenig son. The more I talked to him and called him by name he became more real. I remembered what a beautiful baby my little brother was and I began to think that little boys could be pretty babies to. I did his nursery in Frog Prince and got ready for my little boy to arrrive. I taught school up until the Friday before my Monday due date and had Dalton early Sunday morning. He was so pretty and perfect when he came. I wanted a blue eyed baled baby and I got a brown eyed little boy with little brown girls all over his head. But he had and still does the most kissable cheeks and we were all in love. On the day we were to bring him home they took him for tests and his billiribbon count was way to high and they rushed him to Cook's Children's hospital. It was the most empty feeling in the world to have to leave the hospital with empty arms. The worst feeling was going home to a house with out my baby. It was funny how he had never even been there and everything else was the same as it had alway been but it was all wrong. It was lonely and completely empty. We spent the next seven days like that. Getting up each day going to the ICU at Cooks and waiting for answers. I felt like I had to ask permission to hold my baby. There were nurses and other parents always around and not enough chairs to sit in. The only alone time to bond was at his feeding time when I could nurse him. It was our only time together for seven whole days. I did not feel like a "real" mom.
Finally we brought him home for three weeks and took him to his doctors appointments at one month and he was hospitalized again. His chord had not fallen off and was infected. We were again at Cook's and he had an IV drip in his little head. At least we had our own room and he was taken away from me again. Seven days later we were home again. I went back to work in the fall and it was a horrible long 9 months. I used up all of my sick leave days the first semester and quit in the Spring. The next two years were wonderful. I loved the days when it was just me and Dalton. Play time and naps. He was the most fun little toy to play and cuddle with.
Dalton has been an entertainer from the time he could control his facial expressions. I remember he had what we called the "Squinchy" smile where he would wrinkle up his entire face at people and he would do it over and over again to make people laugh. At 18 months old he had the run of the church where Darin was the pastor. He had his little Cowboy hat, holster with two cap guns and he would draw on people coming in the back doors. He would point his little gun or finger and yell, "Dow!' and the teen age boys would fall over dead. He sat in the press box at the JV games and help make the announcements on Thursday nights. The retired ladies took turns taking him home with them to play and the teens passed him around at the Friday night football games. That year he got his first electric guitar and microphone and was quite the entertainer on it. He loved to sing for people that came over. He was into the Wiggles and Blues Clues.
By three Dalton was adjusting to having a baby sister and was the best big brother. He sang his first solo at FBC Wimberly with me at a 5th Sunday sing. He sang "Here I am to Worship, Hear I am to Fall down...." At the end of the song he bowed and said "Thank you, Thank you berry much." into the microphone and jumped off the stage running down the isle, giving high fives to the out stretched hands along the way. The infatuation at three was Toy Story and The Incredibles.
Dalton still loved to sing at four and would stand on the fire place at Nonna's house and sing with the Ukulele, "Zip-a-de-du-da" word for word. At the end of four Dalton started baseball and was the littlest on the team and was still the entertainer. He would call out while getting the plate,"I'm the Great Bambino, Babe." Four and five was all about Spiderman. Dalton wanted to be Spider Man and I thought the costume was going to rot off of him because he would not take it off long enough to let me wash it. Dalton was also a professional ring bearer by the end of four because he was in two weddings that year and stole the show. At the first wedding he gave thumbs up to the groom as he got down the long isle and winked at his little girl friend in the audience. I am kicking myself for not having a video camera at the reception because the boy danced up a storm. He took suit coat off, twirled it around his head and stole the show. I think he danced with every pretty college age girl there that night.
At five Dalton had to adjust to another little sister and half day kindergarden. He was the entertainer there too stealing his teacher's heart with his quick wit. But, that did not save him from his first trip to the office. Scissors were not for Light Saber fighting and his endless talking earned him the trip. When his principal asked him, "What would your mother think of this?" He said, "Well she's out of town she won't know. I'm going home with my Nonna today." Then when I got him on the phone and told him how disappointed I was with him he answered in his best Eddie Haskel voice,"Yes, mam. I am very disappointed in myself mam." Star Wars became the huge thing in our house at 6 along with Pirates.
Dalton has always had a tender heart toward the Lord and his prayer life. At age four, when we started our church in New Braunfels, Dalton prayed each night for all of his "peeps" to come to his daddy's church. He passed out invite cards to all that he knew and was the little host when his friends would show up on Sundays. He accepted Jesus into his heart at six and was baptised that summer. I will never forget one night hearing him talking in his room. I came around the corner and saw him kneeling on his toy box and his little hand folded and he was praying in front of the open window. He said,"Dear God, Thank you for the trees and the grass and Please help me to be good at school tomorrow, so I can go to Nonna's house. I know that you can do this because you are all powerful and wonderful. Bless Mama, Daddy, Brighton and Baby Madie. Amen." Then he stood up shut the window and hopped back into bed.
We put Dalton into full day kinder this year and it has been an adjustment. We pray for green days and are working on talking. But his teacher tells me that he still has the most tender heart. The two special ed. boys won't come into the room unless he's there. I love that he still hugs his two little best buddies and they yell at each other, "I love you!", when they are leaving. He is very artistic and loves to draw. He is my little social butter fly that does not meet a stranger. Dalton is all little boy. He picks at his sister, only has kisses for his mama (won't let either grandma kiss him) and wants to be his daddy when he grows up. I can't believe it has been seven years since Baby Dalton first melted our hearts with his chocolate brown eyes and chubby little cheeks.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Friday 10 List-It's A Daily Thing

I am committed to change in my life. I want to grow, evolve and mature in my faith. I just want to die to certain things and be done with it. I want to turn the corner, slay the dragon and make some changes in my life, never to deal with certain issues again. I call this the church camp commitment. I LOVED church camp each summer from the time I was a child through highschool. I think that is why I married a youth minister so I could keep going to church camp each summer. The worship (even at a Baptist Church Camp) was awesome, the teaching was incredible and the mountain top experiences was like no other. By the last night of camp you were on such a spiritual high you were ready to take on hell with a water gun. Each year I would "recommit" my life to be a better Christian putting down things of my sinful nature and change the world. I came home looking and feeling like Moses did from Mt. Sinai because I had seen the Lord! But before the week was out I had fought with my brothers, sassed my mother and was struggling to do a daily quiet time. By the time school started in the fall my language was back to "normal" and I was fighting the daily struggle again. It made me feel like a hypocrite, failure and it cheapened what I had experienced. Each year when I would go back and start the same process again, but a seed of doubt was planted in the Lords power in my life and the power of my commitment. By my Senior year I was afraid to even try anymore. It has been the same feelings as an adult when I go to the Mary Kay seminar each year and set goals. I would feel God calling me to really do something and I hear the same whisper in my ear."Are you really going to do this? You did not do it last year. Your a liar and everyone knows it. You are making yourself look stupid. No one believes you are going to ever accomplish this because they have heard you say this all before. This is not for you or you would have already done it by now." Have you ever just had enough, drawn the line in the sand and made a decision to make a change only to fail completely?
I have come to a new conclusion as I have been going on target for my first Mary Kay car and doing this new bible study. It is a daily battle. It is always going to be a daily thing that is a struggle and that is part of the process of relying on Jesus. If we were able to make a decision and just do it then I would not need to depend on my Heavenly father. I would not need a Savior and forget to even rely on God. The commitment is only the first part of the change. So here are the things that I have come to the conclusion is going to be a daily battle towards things I want to improve on in my life.

1. Eating Right- Someday maybe I will enjoy drinking water as much as a Dr. Pepper or veggies will sound better to me than a Sonic burger. Someday my commitment to my diet will be stronger than my love for chocolate. If not then I will daily give that to God.

2. Being a Good Mom- I will be able to enjoy my kids and not focus on the messes they leave. I will appreciate the sweetness of Madie wanting to held and not be irritated I have to clean my house with one hand. I will be more patient and less quick to yell. Daily I will concentrate on how patient the Lord is with me and respond to them out of that same unconditional love.

3. Not caring what people think- I don't think I will ever "arrive" on that goal. As I have blogged before that one will always be my "thorn in the flesh" that will draw me into my need for a perfect Savior.

4. Fear of rejection and rejection of my children. Man children entering school and sports has opened an entire new realm of the fear of rejection. It is a daily battle to not let the lioness out of the cage to whip up on another child who hurts my kids feelings or a parent that makes a passing remark about them.

5. Choosing to not have a spirit of offence- I will chose to take myself out of the equation when things are said and I take them as a direct slight. I am DAILY and sometimes MOMENT BY MOMENT choosing to filter everything I want to react to through prayer. That means praying before I respond to things and consciously trying not to be offended.

6. My Schedule- Being disciplined to start my day earlier so I can pray and read my bible before my kids get up. Exercise more and go to bed at a decent time. I need to DAILY monitor how much time I waste on the phone, on facebook or watching T.V.

7. Spiritual Disciplines- It is sad to say that I have been a Christian for a long time and the Lord has seen me through a lot of things that has grown my faith and I still struggle with a daily quiet time. It is a daily sacrifice to start my day in prayer and my own personal bible study. It is also a struggle to memorize scripture.

8. Holding Every Thought Captive- To think positive. To catch a negative thought that enters my mind and not let my thoughts dwell on it and then react on it. This includes worry and trying to reason things out that the Lord want to work out the details on situations in my life.

9. Balance- Balance between the ministry of the Church, my Mary Kay, the kids, Darin, my personal relationship with Christ, having a clean house and my girlfriends. It is not ever going to be planned out and all things running smoothly.

10. Peace- Having the peace that passed all understanding through any situation and the faith to pursue peace is a DAILY battle.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. I just can't do ALL things through myself and my own strength. God gives us our daily bread. So this means I have to check in daily for the grace and power that I need for the change in my life. So today I work on these things and filter everything through the power of Christ. Because He is the Author and Prefector of my life.