Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The Climb

I just got the new Miley Cyress song, "The Climb". I was watching Disney the other night and the new video for it, promoting her new movie, came on. It made me cry. I was so inspired by the words that I had to buy it for my Iphone. I tried to upload the music video but I could not get it to work. So here are the lyrics.

The Climb

I can almost see it

That dream I'm dreaming

but There's a voice inside my head sayin,

You'll nAlign Centerever reach it,

Every step I'm taking, Every move I make

feels Lost with no direction My faith is shaking

but I Got to keep trying

Got to keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna want to make it move

Always going to be an up-hill battle,

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose,

Ain't about how fast I get there,

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing, The chances I'm taking

Sometimes they knock me down but

No I'm not breaking I may not know it

But these are the moments

that I'm going to remember most yeah

Just got to keep going

And I, I got to be strong

Just keep pushing on,

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna want to make it move

Always go...

Chorus


If someone would have told me 6 years ago that Darin would be fired from his first church when Brighton was three weeks old, I would have feared it the entire time I was there. I remember the last six months when things were getting bad every month at business meeting fearing that he would come home with out a job. I remember praying, "God what ever you do, move us...but please don't let him get fired." I kept praying that we would be rescued with some shred of dignity out of that town onto a better place of ministry. I just really wanted to finish the pregnancy healthy with all of the stress we were under. But then after the dust settled and I looked around, we were walking in the place I had feared for so long. God used that situation to grow me in my faith. We survived what I thought was "the worst thing that could happen" in ministry and the fear of man was lessened. I won't say it was totally taken away because I still struggle with it. But I know that I can face big things with God and Darin with me. I walked into that last business meeting and stood behind Darin through the process and made them look at me and my children as they voted to take our insurance away and give us one months severance. Looking back knowing what I know now, if given the chance to do it again, I would still go. Because I love the person I became in the process.

Going into starting the church, if I had known three years later that we would close our doors and merge with another church I might not have done it. Looking back I lived the last three years in complete fear and anxiety. I missed the lessons, and the blessings of the process because I let fear grip me. I remember crying out to God and begging him to bless the ministry and grow the church to self supporting. I feared what the "failure" would do to Darin and the sinking depression he would go into. Would he leave the ministry? Would the rug be jerked out from under us again and I would be forced to live with my parents? Would I have to uproot my family and business again for some other barren land in Texas to go serve in an established church? Could we even go back to the established church? Did I have it in me to start over again and build community in a new area? I let that fear grip me and it hurt my mothering, my marriage and my ministry to the point I was ineffective and almost did not care anymore. I dreded Saturday nights because Sunday morning was fast approaching. There was a sence of releaf for Sunday nights because there was seven full days before we had to do it again. I was dissolutioned and completely frusterated. When I finally came to the point that it was all God's anyway, and I had completely exhausted myself trying to "make it work", I let go. In January I stepped back from it all and just became Darin's wife. I did not want to know the details, I did not have to have my hands in everything and I went to work my Mary Kay as our plan "B". If that meant we were leaving New Braunfels, going back to the established church or Darin leaving ministry it was God's to do what he wanted with it. I left it to Darin to decided if we were going to keep going or not. I had to protect my home and minister to my family. But God was already working even before I released it all. He brought John & Laurie Minton into our lives and slowly developed the relationship building up to the transition of our ministry merging into theirs. I could not have planned it better, made it a smoother transition or could have imagined it being a better fit for us. There was never a time that Darin and I were left in limbo. God moved us quickly and smoothly in February to merge the Journey Church with Cross Roads Community Fellowship in San Marcos and we have not looked back. My prayer for Darin went from praying for God to make him into what I thought he needed to be, but that Darin would truly discover where his true talents were. That he would totally find where he was gifted and shine there in that ministry. Darin became John's Executive pastor and the two compliment each other perfectly. Darin has never worked for another pastor that appreciated him and used his gifts like John has. I have never been happier to serve in a church with Darin and excited about being on the verge of something HUGE!

As I wrote before we have finished two months of car production to earning our first free Mary Kay car. I am April 1st submitting to start qualifications to becoming a director in Mary Kay. It takes 4 months and $18,000 in combined production plus 30 people on my team. The hard thing is I am attempting to do it three months so I can be a director by our Seminar in July. The money would be what our family needs to get of debt and provide more for our kids. It is something I have always wanted and been afraid to try. Now that it is upon us and I have 13 weeks to pull this off, the fear is starting to set in. You can pray for me as I step out on faith in this way. I am pushing through and trying to enjoy the process of the Climb.

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