Sunday Night Confessions-Posted on Monday

Yes, I know that it is Monday and I was so tired last night I did not have time to blog.  We have got to get into a better night time routine around our house with school starting soon.  My youngest two would not go to sleep last night! Grrrrr!  Yesterday in Sunday School our teacher Tricia asked us what we would do for God if we were not afraid? Then we had to get into groups and talk about it! It was neat because my group was my brother and his wife Jenny .  Jenny knows everything about me so as we talked I did not have to explain a lot.  I consider myself a risk taker and a bold person.  I am not afraid to meet people, talk to people or ask for what I need.  I have the mentality of "If you don't ask then you will never know."  But I have a lot of deep rooted fear that this question helped me dig into.  I am on the brink of having my biggest dream fulfilled and I am scared out of my mind!!!! I have wanted to be a Mary Kay sales director since I joined 14 years ago.  I mean it brings tears to my eyes I want it so bad.  To be a Mary Kay Sales director is the epitome of everything I want to be.  They are feminine, beautiful, strong leaders.  Not everyone gets to be one but it's open to anyone who wants to work hard enough to get it.  At Mary Kay events they are set a part and honored.  They have a huge platform to teach, speak and inspire other women.  The amount of income potential that a Mary Kay sales director can have is matched to Cooperate America and they don't have to sacrifice their families, motherhood or beliefs for it.  Plus, they have the most fashion forward suits that are designed for them each year and they can earn the use of the pink Cadillac.  I could work for other companies and I have been approach by every home based business that has come up over the years.  But Mary Kay is me.  It is a Christ centered company that is feminine and glamorous and so pro women. Plus, HELLO PINK CADILLAC!  It takes four months and certain qualifications to become a Sales Director and I am in my last month and I am TERRIFIED!  I finished the Queens Court of Sales two years ago and earned my 1st diamond ring.  I earned the use of my 1st car two years ago too.  But this is the hardest thing I have ever done because I have to trust others with my dream and include them in on it too.  In sales it is all on me.  I can sell this product in my sleep and have built a large clientele.  But my dream is now tied up into people recruiting under me and helping them reach their dreams.  That is where I realized my deep rooted fear lies.  I don't want to risk being disappointed in people who are not women of their words.  It is so hard for me to invest in people and they walk away.  It is hard to take someone at their word and then they let you down.  I usually do things myself because I don't want to risk being disappointed in people.  Nor do I want to be a disapointment to others.  I don't want to recruit an awesome person and dream with them and then they disappear from your life with no word.  I have to fight myself not to focus on all of the team members who did not keep their word and focus on the ones that did.  It is hard to be excited after being let down.  The last two months of qualifications have been an range of emotions and it has been difficult to risk running full speed ahead again.  But then I had a thought the other day that I have taken as my mantra, "Do not let the people who do not keep their word, stop me from seeking to find the ones that do."  I have some awesome women on my team that have rallied around my goal and begun to form goals of their own.  If not for Mary Kay and seeking them out I would not have them in my life.  I have to keep asking and seeking because I do not know who God is going to place in front of me that I was too discouraged to talk to.  It like what Mary Kay herself taught us, "Some will, some won't, so what."  I know that this is from my point of view from my little pink bubble, but it applies to life.  We have all been hurt in relationships and it can make us shut down and not reach out again.  It can make us perceive others as a threat.  But if we entrust our hearts to our heavenly father and allow him to lead us into fellowship with others then we are enriched and able to be used for his kingdom.  I can not pray for God to enlarge my territory if I do not embrace every opportunity he places in front of me.  My passion is reaching women.  If I can make a women feel more beautiful, more confident and learn who she is in Christ then that is all I could want.  My biggest accomplishment ever in my Mary Kay career is the two women who accepted Christ from a Skincare class.  It is a magical thing.  Through lipsticks and rouge women can be empowered and find a relationship with Jesus Christ.  When I put my fear in that light a what is little disappointment and frusteration? In the end it is all worth the risk.