Monday, June 28, 2010


Grace, grace, God's grace,  grace that will pardon and cleanse within; grace, grace, God's grace, grace that is greater than all our sin!

Life has been a little tough these last couple of months.  But, I have been surviving.  I have pushed through frustration. I've tried to keep a positive outlook and a good prospective on things that have happened.  I have put my nose to the grindstone and tried to just keep moving forward.  Some days I could hear in my head, "Just keep swimming, swimming. Just keep swimming." from finding Nemo. I was wait for my break through.  I have had little victories along the way that have kept me going.  I am loved and supported but felt so alone and misunderstood.  Have you ever had so much pressure pushing down on you that you felt like you could not breath?  I have swallowed a lot of hurt and a lot of disapointments and kept moving forward.  There is no time to question, no time to wonder why.  I have just rolled with it and known that God would see me through this and someday I would have answers as to why.  Frusteration has been building inside of my that I have supressed down.  God is soveriegn and he sees all, knows all and controlls all.  To allow frustration to leak out and admit to it was to doubt God and to me showed a lack of faith.   What He brings us too He can bring us through.  I know all of these truths, but still was drownding in a sea of dispair.  I felt resentment, anger, stress and frusteration bubbling internally and was doing my best to keep it from overflowing on people around me.  I did not like the way I felt and could feel my controll on it slipping.  Yesterday was hard in church to get into worship.  I needed it but I could not get into it.  I felt far from God and I am so tired of feeling like I am not enough.  Why was I so angry? Why could I not relax and felt litterally jittery all the time?  I was a ticking time bomb waiting to going off and I hated how out of controll I felt.  Where was the peace that passes all understanding in the midst of the storm?  Where was my power from the Lord? As the sermon started God whispered in my ear the word-Grace. He was calling me to soak in his grace.  That truth hit me between the eyes.  I was not letting his grace wash over me and I had nothing left to give others.  I was missing the point because I was missing grace. I had the grace of salvation but I was missing the point of his mercry being new every morning.  I knew of grace but I was not walking in grace.  This is what I began to write as I sat there....
Grace has flowed over me and washed me clean.  Grace that has been given freely that I could never deserve is new for me to embrace each and every morning.
Rivers of grace wash over me and I can not stop it's flow as it reaches others. Grace must be kept flowing.  I can give grace because I have recieved grace. Dear God pull me off the high thrown of judgement that I have allowed to Lord over me bringing with it feelings of guilt and shame.  It has cast a shadow of judgement over others.  I run from it's shadows and into the light of mercy.  Let the sweet fragrance of love fill me and I breath in it's scent. The healing power of God's grace heals my brokeness and allows me to respond with love and grace to others around me.  I have got to let go of anger and resentment and cling to the mercy of grace and love.

With that truth brought an inner peace that I have not felt in a long long time. I began to hear the words of this song in my spirit for the rest of the day.  It's truth was a new song in my heart and is cleansed my soul. 


Crystal said...

OOOOH. I have felt and been in the place before. Thank you for sharing and I am sooo happy that His Grace and peace has filled you up again. I will keep praying. LOVE YA.

Laura said...

I pray that everything will soon ease.
Without grace, we would all be stumbling along in life.
In hard times it helps me to thing,
'just do the next right thing.'

Thinking of you,
White Spray Paint