Grace

Grace, grace, God's grace,  grace that will pardon and cleanse within; grace, grace, God's grace, grace that is greater than all our sin!

Life has been a little tough these last couple of months.  But, I have been surviving.  I have pushed through frustration. I've tried to keep a positive outlook and a good prospective on things that have happened.  I have put my nose to the grindstone and tried to just keep moving forward.  Some days I could hear in my head, "Just keep swimming, swimming. Just keep swimming." from finding Nemo. I was wait for my break through.  I have had little victories along the way that have kept me going.  I am loved and supported but felt so alone and misunderstood.  Have you ever had so much pressure pushing down on you that you felt like you could not breath?  I have swallowed a lot of hurt and a lot of disapointments and kept moving forward.  There is no time to question, no time to wonder why.  I have just rolled with it and known that God would see me through this and someday I would have answers as to why.  Frusteration has been building inside of my that I have supressed down.  God is soveriegn and he sees all, knows all and controlls all.  To allow frustration to leak out and admit to it was to doubt God and to me showed a lack of faith.   What He brings us too He can bring us through.  I know all of these truths, but still was drownding in a sea of dispair.  I felt resentment, anger, stress and frusteration bubbling internally and was doing my best to keep it from overflowing on people around me.  I did not like the way I felt and could feel my controll on it slipping.  Yesterday was hard in church to get into worship.  I needed it but I could not get into it.  I felt far from God and I am so tired of feeling like I am not enough.  Why was I so angry? Why could I not relax and felt litterally jittery all the time?  I was a ticking time bomb waiting to going off and I hated how out of controll I felt.  Where was the peace that passes all understanding in the midst of the storm?  Where was my power from the Lord? As the sermon started God whispered in my ear the word-Grace. He was calling me to soak in his grace.  That truth hit me between the eyes.  I was not letting his grace wash over me and I had nothing left to give others.  I was missing the point because I was missing grace. I had the grace of salvation but I was missing the point of his mercry being new every morning.  I knew of grace but I was not walking in grace.  This is what I began to write as I sat there....

Grace has flowed over me and washed me clean.  Grace that has been given freely that I could never deserve is new for me to embrace each and every morning.

Rivers of grace wash over me and I can not stop it's flow as it reaches others. Grace must be kept flowing.  I can give grace because I have recieved grace. Dear God pull me off the high thrown of judgement that I have allowed to Lord over me bringing with it feelings of guilt and shame.  It has cast a shadow of judgement over others.  I run from it's shadows and into the light of mercy.  Let the sweet fragrance of love fill me and I breath in it's scent. The healing power of God's grace heals my brokeness and allows me to respond with love and grace to others around me.  I have got to let go of anger and resentment and cling to the mercy of grace and love.

With that truth brought an inner peace that I have not felt in a long long time. I began to hear the words of this song in my spirit for the rest of the day.  It's truth was a new song in my heart and is cleansed my soul. 

Wordless Wed

For my wordless Wed.  I am honoring my parents who celebrated 36 years of marriage on Monday.  These are pictutres of my brothers and I growing up.
We were 10, 8 and 6 here!

18, 16 and 14 here! 1995!

This one was from three years ago. 30,28 and 26!

This is sad that this is the most recent of us and our spouses.  This was at our 80s birthday party on Feb.

My Daddy

 

My Daddy

For feature Friday I am writing about my hero, my daddy.  First, off I am sick at my stomach because I can not find my favorite picture of my dad and me.  It is of me giving him a kiss in the front seat of his old blue pick up truck.  I am two or three years old and he is wearing his white felt cowboy hat.  (It was the 70s and that was the style.) I am hoping that it is at my parents house.  The top picture is of him giving me my diploma at graduation because he was on the school board at the time.  The second one was at my wedding.  It is the best picture we got together.  My photographer was one of my biggest regrets of my wedding but that is for another post.  You can still see how handsome he is in this picture. 

When I was growing up I always thought my daddy was the best looking man I knew and I was going to marry someone just like him.  He was a cowboy with his beautiful Stetson hats and boots.  He picked out my name, Nocona just like the boots.  He always said I was the most beautiful little girl in the world and needed a name that fit me and set me apart.  He has always called me Precious or still greets me with a "hello beautiful daughter."  Growing up he would put his thumb up to us and say, "Your Thumb Body."

Daddy always encouraged us that we were special and could do anything that we set our minds to.  He was the most frustrated when we made excuses or let fear stop us from doing something we wanted to do.  He was never angry at us for falling short he would get angry if we did not try our best.  He was the best at making us laugh when we were hurt or disappointed.  Now don't get me wrong he was no push over and was one of the strictest dads around.  I could not wear a stitch of make up until the day I turned 13. Was not allowed to car date until the day I turned 16.  He was a baptist deacon in the strictest form and I was not allowed to go to a school dance until the 8th grade prom and I had to fight to go to the after football game dances on Friday nights in highschool.  I could not have a bikini until my Sr. year.  I only got that because he used it as a bribe to get me to try to enjoy or summer vacation that I did not want to go on.  There were times I was sent back up stairs to change my shorts because they were too short. 

But, he was fun.  He embarrassed me in Jr. high by dancing in the car to, James Brown's "I Feel Good."  Then as he would drop me off in parking lot he would honk and wave yelling "bye Nocona" out the window.  He honked over bridged when he was driving to keep the trolls from coming out from underneath.  When we were little my mother quit letting him come with us to the grocery store because he would pop wheelies with the basket and get us way to hyper in the store. I think that was his plan all along. 

In highschool he had names for all of the guys I dated.  The Weasel, the Ugly One, The Little Guy, Smiley, even the drum major I dated was the "Head Band Nerd." He has always called Darin, Derwood. (From Bewitched).  He was the dad that cleaned his gun while a guy was over watching a movie once.  He reminded one that he was a hunter and shot things.  He would send my brothers out to wait for me on the porch when I was coming home from a date. 

My dad says he is practical. My mother and I call him cheep.  I wanted to go to a private Christian school and I got the talking to of comparing 65 cent black coffee from the gas station to an expensive late from Starbucks.  It was still coffee.  But, I eventually got to go to UMHB and graduated with out debt because he provided us with one degree on him.  He was my encourager to finish school and see it through when school was hard for me.  He was also the one who would point out the pink Cadillac when we would see them.  Even as a teenage he would tell me about Mary Kay.  My daddy is a salesman and has always been the top for whatever company he worked for.  I have learned so much from him.  He taught me that attitude was everything and he reminds me to keep emotions out of sales.  Growing up when my attitude got bad I had to read, Zig Zigglar's How to Win Friends and Influence People, and Florence Lithour's Silver Boxes.  Growing up if we spoke ugly to each other or negative he would always say "What did you have to gain by that?" I found myself repeating that to my son the other day.  One day my mother was listening to me talk to a customer as I upgrading the sale  closed it.  She told me when I got off that I sounded just like my dad.  That was the biggest compliment I could have gotten.  Last year when I was really working my Mary Kay business my dad gave me the loan to purchase my inventory.  He was the first one I called when I won my car and earned my first diamond ring.  He is the one that advised me not to take the Pontiac G6 and go for the cash option because it was not the Cadillac yet.  One of my greatest motivations to finishing directorship to get to hear that he is proud of me.  I can't wait to pick up my first Pink Cadillac and drive it over to his house.  I love my husband with all of my heart.  But, I had a hard time when I got married.  I did not want to change my last name because I always wanted to be known as a Helm girl and for people to know that I was Steve Helm's daughter.  My daddy has given my brother's and I a legacy of a strong foundation of Jesus Christ, with an instilled belief of confidence that we can do anything.  He was and is the greatest Daddy in the world. (Now he has just added greatest Grandpa to that too.) 

Wordless Wed-Girlfriends

I love group shots of Girlfriends

I look forward to lots of pictures of my girls with their friends.

Wordless Wed.

Enjoying eating at Daddy's store! I thought the colors in these two pictures were pretty.

Weight Loss

Since November I have lost 25lbs.  I had it gone by January and thought I would be well on my way to the 130 lbs. I wanted to be by now.  I have not lost anything since January!  I started working out to kick it into gear and still have been bouncing back and forth with the same three pounds.  I realized that I quit eating as clean when I started working out.  I began to have "cheat meals" all weekend and some during the week.  Because I was working out I was not gaining though.  But, there is nothing like bathing suit shopping to give you the reality check you need to jump back on the diet bandwagon.  With each child I would lose back to my start weight and get pregnant again before I could go further.  So, now that we are done having kids I am more determined to get to the weight I want to be.  My new goal is to lose these last 20 lbs. by the end of July.  I wanted to show the progress that I have seen to motivate me into not eating the cheese stick that is my fridge calling me name or the Whataburger I am tempted to have my husband bring home for me tonight at midnight.  Here is the picture that started my weight loss journey.  I bought this dress last summer and it was big.  Then by the time the wedding came in the fall it barely zipped up! I had to squeeze into my Spanks and hope that the back fat was not hanging over too badly.  After I saw these pictures I drew the line in the sand a went on a diet.

I am so excited because the ones of me today I did not have to wear the spanks and I my stomach still looks smaller.  I am so excited and motivated to finish the last 20 lbs.

This picture is one of my favorites of my friends and I.  But I don't even recognize my face in it.  Look at my sister in law at the far left and her awesome back and arms.  My motivation was that I wanted to look like that! She has worked hard and lost over 20 lbs. too in the last year.  I thought if she can do it and look this good then why can't I.  This picture was also from November.   The other  picture  is one of me and my husband taken last month.  The red shirt was one that has been hanging in my closet for over a year and I could not bring myself to wear it in public.  It is comparing these two pictures of my  face I see that eating better is worth it! I can't wait to post before and after pictures in July when I am at my goal weight.

Wordless Wed.

Wordless Wed.