Sunday Night Confessions

Another week means another week of confessions. Let's see where to start on my list from this week. It is the last week of the month of April. My first full month of qualifications to become a Mary Kay director and my third month of production of winning my car. When the 7 day mark hit on Friday and I was $2000 short. (Still am as of tonight.) I had an internal freak out and almost panic attack. We have not come this close to the end of the month in the last two months and come so down to the wire. I tried not to take it out on my family and dug into the scriptures to do my Friday 10 list. Isaiah 43:18&19. (It is written out in my last blog.) But this was like the Lord speaking to me in my current situation. Then this morning the pastor preached on John 21 where the disciples were fishing with no luck and Jesus called out to them from the shoreline to cast their nets on the other side. He pointed out that they had been fishing all night and they had probably tried the other side at some point. They were experienced fishermen and knew what they were doing. It hit me. I have been a Mary Kay Consultant for many years but I am doing things that I have never done before. My own belief barriers are being broken weekly as I keep doing more than I have ever done before. But I must confess that I fear failure. I fear the coming down to the wire and throwing myself completely into it and still coming up short. The first two months of car production and going into DIQ I had managed to avoid this situation that I am now facing down. But God spoke to me today in the sermon. Keep trusting Jesus and be willing to keep throwing the net out, even over places that have been tried in the past. Then, I had three consultant call me about the orders they are placing this week and it looks like it we are going to finish car production a month early. I was worried about needing $2000 by the end of the month and we are going to have $4600 come in by the end of the month. I can't believe He is coming through so quickly. This is such a step of faith for me where God is showing me that he is my provider. I have never done so much in my entire time as a consultant. I am winning a car, becoming a director and really making a difference in our finances. There are things that I have dreamed about, talked about and put off for 10 years because I my fear of stepping out of the boat. The four months of qualifications scared me to the point of avoiding this process. Now that I am here and doing it, I wish I had done it years ago. I am breaking my own belief barriers daily and walking on water with Jesus.

Now onto the funnier things I must confess:
* Friday, the girls went to stay with grandma and I took Dalton on a spontaneous date to the movies. It was an awesome night with him. He got to spend his birthday money on stuff for his Wii and he got to stay up and play it with his Dad until 11. Then he repaid us the next two days by being a complete turkey. I must confess I was so frustrated I wanted to tell him that it would be a long time before I did that for him again.

* Madie's birthday is a week away and I have not begun to plan for her party. I will have to push back her party a week.

* I must confess that I am ready for baseball and dance to be over for the season but not quite ready for school to be out.

* I have just finished reading Twilight for the third time and starting Eclipse.

Sorry I guess these were not as funny as I thought. Just my realities for the week.