Sunday Night Confessions

Today at church really brought to my attention that I need to prepare my heart for Easter.  As we enter into Holy Week I really want to cleanse my heart and mind and "Get" Easter this year.  Not prepare for the Easter Service and the long to-do list that it brought when we were in ministry.  Instead I really want to tune my heart into Jesus and come into a reverent spirit as I enter this week.  I have just come out of one of the craziest, busy three weeks of my entire life and I regret that I did it to myself.  I have run on little sleep.  Not been the best mom that I could have been and my eating habits were terrible! All the things I tried to cram into the last three weeks did not get my best because I was "a jack of all trades and master of none."  I have lost sleep and my witness in the process.  I really want to be better at what I commit to and protect my schedule better.  Getting Dalton's birthday party finished as the last thing on my long list of things. I wanted to really focus on taking a deep breath getting my life straighted back out and getting into the Easter Mindset.  Other plans were laid out for me and I was blind sided by them starting Friday.  I got into a huge fight with Darin that lasted for two days.  We never really fight anymore and it started over something so stupid.  Then I dealt with bickering siblings all weekend and dropped my I-phone into my coffee. All of these details do set up my story and my lesson that God hit me between the eyes with tonight.  Hang with me. I have had a lot of trouble with my oldest this year.  He is a sweet tender hearted little boy, but he is strong minded and stubborn. He talks non-stop (do not know where he gets this...), is going to get the last word in, and has been sporting his "I'm not wrong" attitude policing everyone around him.  The power struggles that he gets into with his peers and his sisters, over things that don't matter, has driven me crazy this year.  I have found myself saying to him, "Why do you do this? This is not helping and makes my job harder when you do this.  It does not matter to you and now you are in trouble.  Let me be the parent!"  This behavior has exasperated me. All of this is all relevant to my lesson.
Today was a frusterating day.  Not only did I have a hard weekend with Darin but I have felt let down by different relationships in my life here recently.  I have been frusterated and letting it get to me.  I tried dealing with it with the best grace I had. I would  messure people against my own yard stick and complain about where they did not measure up.  The more I vented the more yuck I felt.  So I swallowed it and moved on, keeping my own judgemental comments to myself.  Then later I got a very accusatory ugly comment on a picture I put up on facebook.  So in the best 'turn the other cheek' fashion sent a private email back confronting the person, delted the comment and whipped out my "Holy Meassuring Stick" and pondered all the reasons why that person was wrong.  By the end of my rant I felt sick.  I knew the enemy was attacking me and I that none of this was by accident.  So I called my best friend asking her to pray with me.  I could not deal with my frusteration and I did not want the blood of my own sin going with me into this week.  As I prayed for wisdom and insight God showed a picture of myself, acting like that little boy yelling at his sisters over them not doing what they were suppose to do, "Mom! Madie's not cleaning her room!"  I saw myself in a power struggle with my brother's and sister's in Christ.  What does it matter to me who is not doing all that I think they should be doing?  What does it matter if someone else sin?  How is my pointing it out helping? Just like I have tried to get Dalton to understand that I will deal with his sisters and that his outburts make a bigger mess for me to deal with and now he's in trouble too.  God was gently telling me. "Why does it matter to you?" "This is not helping."   Lord help me to balance living in peace with my fellow belivers with balancing accountability.  Help me to balance mercy with truth.  Protect my heart and check my motives.  Cleanse me of a haughty spirit and thank you for your lessons.

This is the Stuff

This song made me laugh out loud when I heard it on the radio. I can't wait to sing it at church! This is my life right now and where God and I am. I hate to admit that I have had to post on facebook for someone to call my phone because I could not find it and I don't have a home phone to call it. I got three tickest the last three months I was in qualifications to become a director. I am sorry I have not blogged in a while. I am having trouble finding time for all of my jobs right now. I want to give my kids the attention they each need. Mary Kay is exploding with my unit and my personal sales. Plus, we are in the final 100 days of the Seminar year and I am finishing both the court of personal sales and recruiting. Not to mention being back in car qualifications for my 2nd free car! Darin is working a lot right now because he is up for another promotion. Baseball season has started again and with two kids in school that is two classrooms to keep up with. From singing in the choir and being in the band at church to planning with our ladies ministry and leading worship at our upcoming retreat, I have no spare time.  So blogging has been put on the back burner.   I am excited to announce that my 2nd dream will become a reality this summer. We have booked and almost completely paid for our Disney Vacation this summer! I cried on the phone with the lady as we were putting the details together. It is exciting to see the goal that my kids set come to being a reality. They will find out we are going at my debut party for Mary Kay in April! Thank you to all my followers for not dropping me for not posting more.

"The Motions"-Matthew West Worship Wed.

This song really is a cry of my heart right now.

Sunday Night Confessions-Confession of a broken heart over the sin in my life.

It is with a very broken heart that come back to my blog with this word.  Life has been crazy the last few months but God has been dealing with me.  What I am about the blog about may lose me some followers. In fact I know it will.  This will bother me because I am working on worrying about rejection and would love to see my blog reach 100 followers.  Please hear my heart as you read what I am saying.  I do not say this out of judgemental attitude of looking down on any one.  Nor am I opening this can of worms for debate.  I am simply confessing a sin that God convicted me of and has been dealing with me about for a couple of months and it came to a breaking point while I was away at Mary Kay Leadership this week.  I have been a complete hypocrite on my blog and the Christian women who read it I can not believe that you still follow me.  I am ashamed of myself and the way I misrepresented my Jesus. The one who sacrificed His own life for me.  So here goes....
The Lord has opened up my eyes on my obsession with Twilight.  My addiction to the books, the story, the characters, the fan fiction website and the harm it has done in my life.  Please hear my heart.  When some "well meaning" Christian ladies threw in my face the dangers here I was not ready to receive this message.  I have no judgment just truth on what God revealed to me.  I dishonored my husband by publicly gushing over another man.  Now I justified this by saying he was a fictional character.  But in my mind he was real.  My children knew more about me being Team Edward than me being for Jesus.  I was reading fan fiction sights from my phone in every spare moment that I had.  These stories started out as just continuations of the story but I began to reading more and more of the sexual acts of the main characters.  I found myself being less bothered by the deviation these stories showed to even the act of the characters drinking human blood.  I had decensitized myself and was battling a major out of control demon of lust.  When I started the latest Beth Moore study, Revelation. I was again convicted.  I have always wanted to be a bible teacher someday and have a powerful women's ministry.  But then I was faced with the question.  "Would Beth Moore have any part of this?"  I knew the answer and I told God. "Well then maybe you are not calling me to this anymore."  I said I would give it up after the last movie came out and the hype dies down.  That would mean two more years!!!  It got to where I could not pray.  I could not worship in church.  I just shut down.  I felt guily and powerless.  I have never rebeled.  I followed God in highschool.  I did  not party when I got away from home.  I have never openly rebelled against God and what he was conviting me of.  I have never been "addicted" to anything like this in my life.  God brought me to a place where I had to chose.  I could live in my own rebellion and he would not allow another woman to come into my Mary Kay unit.  This is a stupid book series! Fiction not real and I was struggling this hard?  Was I crazy?  I called my husband from the conference crying and confessed to him and apologized for how I had dishonored him.  I asked him to get rid of all of my collectibles, books, movies, t-shirts and posters before I got home.  I did not want to have a chance to reason it out and back out before I got home.  I also did not want to feel guilty because most of it has been gifts from him.  I wish I could say that this was easy.  That I have not missed it or struggled or that it did not make me sad.  I would compare it to a man who stuggled with an addiction to porn.  In a way that is what this became to me.  Not visualy but emotionally and through reading the fan fiction stories.  Women struggle to with this on a different level but the sin is the same.  The battle in the mind and emotions is a hard place to manage.  It can be kept hidden.  My motivation for finally doing it was fear of the Lord.  I had a direct word from him and I had to follow.  The bible verse that was in my study the week this happened was
Revelations 2:1-5  ¹ “To the angel^[a] of the church in Ephesus write:
   These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands. ² I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked people, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. ³ You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary.
   ⁴ Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. ⁵ Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place."
I felt like a hypocrite.  Two weeks ago I got to see my youth minister from highschool and his wife.  I was ashamed of myself when I saw her.  I knew she read my facebook, and read my blog.  God has revealed to me some very serious things that Twilight has brought into our culture that is against God.  It has been portrayed as innocent, harmless and beautiful.  But it is darkness.  It still is Vampireism. Yes these are fiction books and I do believe in fantasy vs reality.  But Twilight was the tipping point that ushered us into a generation that Vampires are everywhere and the extreme deviation of an underground world is more socially accepted in a way than it ever was before.  Vampires are a deviation to the blood atonement of Jesus.  My heart is grieved and broken for how much I loved this story and used it to escape realities in my life that I did not want to face.  A lot of people read these stories and did not fall as crazy in love with them as I did.  But as Christian women where to we draw the line of following culture in the name of fun.  So there is my confession. Maybe this was just a word for me.  If it struck a chord please don't leave me a ranting comment just stop following me.  I will as I have time this week post my reason and scriptures of what God has revealed to me.  I am going back through my blog to delete older posts about this obsession.  I don't want to send a mixed message.  I am not sure what can of worms this post just opened up.  I just knew God was leading me to this public confession. 

Worship Wed.

My new favorite song by Addison Road.  As much as love Jesus I don't fully grasp His holiness and how undone I truly I am.  How lucky we are for the sacrifice of Jesus Christ and how with out it God could not look at us.  Lord, never let me take for granite that sacrifice.  Forgive me of my pride and for ever forgetting that I am worthless without you and never too big to need a savior.  Let me never become too complacent in my faith that I forget to stand in awe of your holiness.
"
In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. ² Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. ³ And they were calling to one another:
      "Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty;
       the whole earth is full of his glory."
⁴ At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.
 ⁵ "Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty."
 ⁶ Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. ⁷ With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."
 ⁸ Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
      And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"
Isaiah 6:1-8

Wisdom Worship Wed.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

I was reminded today that the definition of insanity was to do the same things over and over but expecting different results.  To change we have to be open for change and willing to go through the pains of change.  But we also have to be willing to renew our minds in the word of God.  Then in my devotional today, it was about God's wisdom.  His perfect wisdom.  I want that.  I began to see how I have relaxed in the last couple of weeks trying to finish these goals and resting after they were done.  I had let a complaining whining spirit creep back in.  I was allowing myself to gossip when I was frustrated.  I had feelings of unforgiveness towards people that had done Darin wrong at his job and in my heart I was wanting my selfish justification.  It is all negative and a poison.  The teaching I heard on TV was about prosperity.  We are blessed to be a blessing to others.  We are highly favored by our God and King who provides so richly to our needs, but it is so to pass on favor to others in need.  In my heart I was not sowing seeds of blessings.  I pray for Godly wisdom in difficult situations and not be emotion led.  I pray for a renewing of my mind so it does not take so long for me to realize I am off track.  I want to live life on a different plane in my thoughts and life than the world has to offer.  This song for Worship Wed. means so much to me.  I got to sing it this summer at church and it is so my prayer today. 

Top 2 Tuesday

Things I will Accomplish This Year!

Earn this Ring!

I am going for being the Queen of the entire Sapphire Division at the Mary Kay Seminar for Recruiting!

This is huge for me because I have never even been in the Queen's Court of Recruiting! It takes 24 new qualified team members.  I am going for 50.  Last year I only recruited 3 qualified team members the entire year.  This year I have added 15 personal team members and 5 are already Seminar Qualified!  My mother said she would come to Seminar to see me cross the stage in the Queen's Court of Sales, Unit Club, and WHEN I am the Queen of Recruiting my entire family will get to be presented on stage with me.  It will give me a huge platform to publicly tell my family what they mean to me.  It makes me cry to even think about.  What lesson will that teach my kids as they stand beside the big throne I will get to sit on.  Then watch me earn a crown and be presented and  get to introduce them.  What will they learn about big girl dreams and accomplishments. I have learned that we as women have to tap into the emotions behind our dream and feed them.  I already envision myself seated on that throne.  I can see what Dalton, Brighton and Madison be wearing and what they will say when they get to talk in the big microphone.  To see the look of pride on my dad's face and to have my mother get to the see the huge picture of why I do what I do.  I have my dress for it all picked out.  What will I get to say about Darin and publicly thank him for his support.  It will be his first Seminar too.  We will also be traveling to Dallas in our new Pink Caddy too! I will accomplish this goal this year!

 2. Take my Kids to Disney World!

I have dreamed of taking my children to Disney World while they were little enough to believe that they were meeting the real Cinderella and Mickey Mouse.  This year as a new Sales Director I can earn up to $4000 in bonuses each quarter just by doing what I am suppose to do.  I have already earned the 1st one by debuting as a Sales Director before Dec. 1 this year! Each $1000 check I earn is going into a savings account for our trip.  Our plan is to pick them up on the last day of school and go on this vacation.  This year has already started as a year that the Koenig house hold does what they have been saying they are going to do for a long time.

I know this is top 2 Tuesday but I have one more.  With mine and Darin's promotions this month we are back on track to being debt free by December 31st! We will make this happen!

Feature Friday

Feature Friday

 I am doing my feature Friday again.  I love to introduce to my blogging world the people that mean something to me.  Today I am featuring my beautiful sister-in-law Stephanie.  She is married to my littlest brother Shane. It is funny because I was almost named Stephanie.  It was hard enough when my sister-in-laws came along and took the last name Helm.  I was a little territorial that I was the only Helm girl of the family and now that was not my last name.  But to have two Stephanie Helm's would have been weird.   It took me a little while to get to know Stephanie because she is so quiet.  When I mean quiet I mean, I can have a one sided conversation with her.  I really think she had to get use to me too.  I bet her ears would ring when she left me.  In my house growing up that was something we were not use to.  I think that is why she is perfect for my brother Shane.  Stephanie has always loved my babies and been wonderful with them.  She could love on and cuddle Madie since she was born.  She helped me so much this weekend while Darin was out of town and Madie was sick by taking Dalton for two days.  Then Sunday night we were both getting ready to go out to dinner and Madie started crying, she was there.  It heard a really troubling cry and I thought she was going to be sick.  She was screaming that her tummy hurt.  When I took her to the bathroom she did not want to sit on the toilet or lean over it to throw up.  It was not a normal cry and it scared me because I thought maybe it was her appendix.  Stephanie is a nurse so I called her to come help me.  When I laid Madie down I herd that gurgle noise that told me she was fixing to throw up. I rush her to the bathroom and nothing happened.  She kept crying.  That worried Stephanie and she grabbed Madie and rushed her to the bed to check her stomach with the same concern about her appendix.  The next  I hear is Madie projectile vomit all over Stephanie.  I tried to warn her.  I knew that noise.  Stephanie just stood there a moment and then smiled and asked Madie, "Do you feel better now?"  She did not freak out or bat and eye.  I took Madie to clean her up and she went to clean herself.  I knew that was a special kind of aunt.  I would not have been as calm if another persons kid puked all over me.  I was not that good of an aunt in my 20s either.  When crisis happens you want someone as cool and calm as Stephanie there with you.  She is a very patient and loving wife with my brother.  Shane is the entertainer and you never know what is going to come out of his mouth next.  Stephanie just rolls with it.  She is going to make a great mom someday.  She has fit into our family well over the last few years.  Even though I think we completely overwhelm her with how loud and talkative we can all be.  My favorite is all the shopping trips we have already made together.  That is the most fun times I have had with my two sister in laws. I never had a sister but I love going to church and being known as the three Helm girls.  It is very sweet to  worship with each week and do life with my sister-in-laws.  Even if they both like to remind me I am the oldest. 

Worship Wed a Day Late

I did not get to post yesterday because the day got away from me.  I wanted to welcome all my new followers.  Each one just made my day and I can't wait to get to 100!  I love that people are reading what I write.  I really started this blog as an outlet for my thoughts.  But I also want it to be an encouragement to others.  Maybe someone can identify with my struggles of being a wife and mother.  Or just be encouraged that they are not a crazy as that lady. haha Or if  just I make someone just laugh, I have served my purpose.  I love all of the comments and promise to read through your blogs too.  It was an exciting day for several reasons.  Madie was finally well and we got out of the house! Praise the Lord it was a long 7 days!!!  I got to start my new Ladies Bible study.  I had to miss the 1st week because Madie was so sick.  I also woke up yesterday morning and checked my Mary Kay website and found my official congratulations on becoming a director.  I got my official unit number and got to order my suit!!!  It was so exciting.  I was on the phone with my best friend Susan at the time and litterally squeeked in her ear!  Then we went to tour Darin's store and have lunch! It is official! The same week I became a MK sales director Darin became the newest GM in his area for Whataburger! We have struggled for so long working, waiting, praying for a break through.  We were both at our breaking point with weariness and ready to give up.  God blessed us abundantly and all at once.  There was no trickle in of the blessings! It was a tidal wave! We are so excited! 
I wanted to share a new worship song that was sang on Sunday.  I love my church so much! One of the things that I love the most is, that instead of diving the church over worship wars they just created another service that is at the same time as the traditional service.  It is for those of us that want to worship with a live band and more modern music.  We get the benefits of the established church with all of it's structure and the different ages that make up the beauty of the body, but are not sacrificing what our hearts love in worship.  This week some of the teens and college students led us and it was awesome! The last few weeks worship has been so alive.  It has overwhelmed me and consumed me.  As we are singing I has such a deep desire to hear the crowd breakout in thunderous applause.  Now don't get me wrong, there is a time for reverence and quiet.  I would never want to lose that.  But there are times to dance and cheer.  To celebrate and just give thunderous applause to the Great and Mighty King who sits on the throne.  The God who has overcome the world for us.  It is like a battle cry to the enemy that we will follow this King to the ends of the earth into victory.  Despite anything that comes against us we will cry out our allegiance and raise His banner high.  Like the thunderous applause that erupts during a football game when your team takes the field.  Fans go crazy! Or a rock star or when a celebrity take the stage to thunderous applause.  Our God deserves more applause than we would or could give to anyone else.  Like in The Lion King when the animals bow down in reverence and then break into thunderous applause for the birth of the new king.  That scene made me cry in the theater because it was such a picture of how we should worship.  The last two weeks I can feel it begin to break out but no one wants to step out and draw attention to themselves.  I yearn to just hear it erupt through the worshipers and not be contained.  When the people of the Lord come together and worship the Lord and celebrate all that he has done.  I don't mean the cheesy slow motion clap from teen 80's movies that breaks out into cheers.  But just to be singing to God and thanking him for who he is and it can not be contained.  Because he is a Great God, and a Victorious King of Glory!  The song breaks out almost into a shout as they just cry out.  It is not the best recording of the song. But see the massive crowd respond to worship and cry out to God. It brings tears to my eyes just watching the video. 


Psalm 100


SHOUT for joy to the LORD, all the earth. Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his ; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.

Labor Day & Top 2 Tues.

Top Two things you love about Fall

1.  The cooler weather, and opening all my windows.

2.  Football.  Not a huge fan of watching it on TV, but high school football. The sound of the band playing,  Homecoming mums, the Friday buzz.  It all brings back such sweet memories.  Then there is taking Saturday afternoon naps listening to the sounds of the announcer and the refs. whistle blowing while Darin watches College Football.  Putting on our maroon and white to go watch the Aggies play at my parents house. It reminds me of going to College Station and watching my brother play in the band at Kyle Field. 

Friday I was home with Madie and it was cloudy outside.  A perfect overcast day and I could hear the band practicing for the nights game.  The cadence of the drums playing in the background was relaxing.  Sounds of  shotguns in the background was mixed in and just as soothing.  Yes, to this Texas girl the sounds of guns firing in the back ground is a sweet sound.  It is the opening of dove season.  I hear that and  I am a kid again at my great grandparents farm house waking up to the smell of granny cooking breakfast and the sound of the sheep bleating in the pasture beside my open window.  The cool breeze is blowing in the sweet smell of wet the dewy ground and I can smell the fall air.  Growing up we spent every labor day at my grandparents and great grandparents homes.  Fall also brings back such sweet memories of the buzz that fall Fridays brought when I was in high school.  Pep-rallies, football games, after game dances.  Listening the sound of the drums coming from the band and the announcer could be heard from my house because we lived by the school.   Fall flowers,  and scarecrows take over Hobby Lobby along with the ribbons for Homecoming Mums.   I loved watching my mother make them growing up.  I loved wearing the Homecoming mums and the excitement of the Homecoming Dance.  Then for a couple of years I loved getting to help my neighbor make her daughter's. She has no idea what they were and it was neat to get to share my tradition and get to help her.  I can't wait to get to do that when my kids are old enough.  Hopefully they will still be in style to wear. Are Homecoming Mums just a Texas thing?  Fall reminds me of listening to country music, wearing boots and riding around in a boys pick up trucks.  Remember I grew up in Texas and wearing boots was not a Cowboy dress up day for school. 

It was August that I started dating my husband, Darin.  Our love story started in the fall.  I met his family when I spent Labor Day weekend with them in Wimberly 15 years ago.  Fridays brought a different excitement as I would wait for him to come each weekend from his school to see me.  Or I would travel to Belton to go see him.  Just hearing the song, "Dust on the Bottle" takes me back to days of running around in his blue pick up truck driving the back roads between Temple and Belton.  

    

5 Question Friday

I have had a sick little one with strep and it has been a difficult week taking care of her. But thank goodness school has started and she was the only one at home.  I thought I would like up with Mama M and her 5 question Friday.
1. What do you do when you have time to yourself?
Read! I love getting lost in another world created in a story.  I left the world of Fork and jumped into Hogwarts.  I just finished reading the Harry Potter Series and loved every minute of it.  I hate to admit it being a diehard Twilight fan, but the last book of the series, The Deathly Hallows was one of the best fiction books I have ever read.
Writing.  I don't get much time for it but I love to write.  Short stories, poems.  I did a lot more of it before having kids.

2. When you look out your kitchen window, what do you see?
My neighbors house.

3. Who/What would you want to be reincarnated as?
    An Ice skater.  I love watching figure skating and think it would be so cool to get to do that.  The graceful routines they get to do. What an expression of their soul to get to skate a beautiful performance to a song that is meaningful to you.  Like when Scott Hamilton did a beautiful performance to Amazing Grace back in the 80's.  Not to mention all of the beautiful costumes.   
4. What is your biggest pet peeve about other people's kids?
Cleaning up after them.  I don't like cleaning up after my own kids but I really resent having to clean up after other people's kids.  I also have a hard time when they are distructive with my kids toys.  My kids are trained to take care of their toys and it is hard when other kids play to rough with toys or break their favorite toys.  This is for another post.  I still have issues of being a church planter's wife and having other people's kids in my home a lot.

5. Regular or Diet soda?
There is nothing better than a foutain Dr. Pepper over crushed ice.  But I am learning to like diet coke.

We did It!

We did it, we did it! Yea we did it! To borrow from Dora.  Monday night (one day early) my team and I finished the qualifications from Mary Kay to become our own unit!  It was awesome! The last two consultants placed their orders to complete the requirements of $18,000 wholesale in a 4 month period.  This is something I have deemed of and wanted for over 13 years! It was something I was afraid to try and in the back of my mind wondered if I had what it took to make it through the process. It means tripling my income from what I am making now.  It is the making it to the top 2 percent of the company. I can now go on target for that beautiful pink Cadillac.  It means I get to order my suit and wear it at all the events.  I have a unit that I get to train, and teach.  It is a lot of recognition at company events.  Personally it breaths life into my self confidence that I saw something through to completion and did it!  I did not get up when the going got tough and things looked like they were not going to happen.  This is the suit I get to order as soon as Mary Kay calls and gives me my unit number.

I am my Director Teresa's 1st off spring unit! She is like another Mom to me and to get to make her a Sr. Director is the coolest thing.

This time last year I was at an all time low.  We were out of ministry because we closed the doors on our church and the church we went to work for could not longer pay Darin a salary.  With very little notice we moved out of our home and moved in with my parents.  I had fallen out of qualifications for directorship due to all of the sudden changes.  Living with my parents was not the ideal situation and strained my relationship with my mother.  I felt lost, defeated, lonely and trapped.  Darin was depressed and has no idea what his next step would be.  I felt like I did not belong anywhere and was ashamed.  I got on antidepressants to just help me deal with my current reality. By October Darin got a job with Whataburger and we moved into our own home.  We started on the slow journey back to get back on our feet.  It has not been an easy journey and has taken a lot of hard work but the reality hit me of how life has changed.  Now one year later we are in a church that we love.  We have always served in churches but being a part of Manchaca Baptist church is the church I always wanted to a part of or one like it.  Here I am surrounded by people I love! My best girlfriends in the world all go to church with me.  The people teaching my children also knew me when I was a teenager.  I am apart of the community that I live in. Coming home to the town I was raised in has been healing.  I no longer feel like an outsider looking in trying to build community with people around me.  I finally feel like a belong and am loved. I am back in a size 8! I took the bull by the horns and got my pregnancy weight off my body.  From a 14 to an 8 and working towards a 6! I took myself off the antidepressants.  Life has been steadily getting back on track but very hard these past few months.  Whataburger has been a hard test as Darin work long hours at a store towards proving himself ready to take over his own store and waiting for one to come open.  After finding out that I had made director, Darin got a call that he has his interview tomorrow to take over his own store and be a General Manager for Whataburger.  His salary will double and his bonuses will triple the same month my bonus percentages triple!  God is so faithful! His blessing is abundant. Never late and always on time.  I laugh when I think about how tightly I held on to old dreams and what I thought I wanted for my life.  I begged God to not move us again this last time.  I was frustrated when life began to transition.  Wow my life is completely different that it was one year ago and what a year it was. 

Worship Wed.

We are down to needing $1200 and 1 qualified and 2 active to finish directorship! It feels so close and yet so far away. But I refuse to give in to panic or anxiety.  God has brought me this far and he will see it through.  I stand in awe and I worship.  I was praying with two ladies last night for things because God laid it on our hearts to begin to pray.  As I was praying the task seemed so huge. Like I was pushing a huge bolder and trying to get it rolling.  The task we were praying for seemed so big when we started.  But God revealed to me that he had already started this ball rolling.  He was the one that called these ladies and I to starting praying and come along side a work that He himself started and was doing.  He wants us to cry out to him and tell him He is great and able to more than we ever imagined possible! He allows us to be apart of his plan and see Him work.  I love this video because it has the word of God in it. There is nothing more powerful that we can do than to pray His word! I shout it from the roof tops that Our God is faithful. Our God is Stonger, and Awesome in Power, He is Our God!

1st Day of School

There are so many blog posts going on in my head that I want to write and very little time to write it all out.  I am so excited to report that we are down to needing two more qualified team members (Placing $600 wholesale orders) and about $1500 in production to come to finish directorship!  I am excited but I wish I was done today.  Today marks the last 7 days to the month and I feel the clock ticking.  But, Our God is faithful and I am can't wait to see where it comes from and how He chooses to wrap this up. 

The first day of school brought a mixture of emotions.  Mainly excitement because keeping up with all three kids, business and our house alone has been overwhelming.  I did get a little teary eyed yesterday taking my excited little 5 year old to her classroom.  It is a new stage of life with another one starting school.  It was hard getting everyone to bed on time and up early the next morning. In fact Dalton woke me up at 1:00 am fully dressed and wanting to know why I was not up yet. 

The kids have been so hyper and full of energy since we went to back to school night last Thursday and I could not get them to school fast enough Monday morning. This is going to interesting getting two ready and out the door on time.  Girls have a lot more prep time that boys even at a young age. 

Brighton's dress was made by her grandmother for school.  Mimi made her 5 little dresses for school this year. 

Daddy got to help us get ready and prayed over them before we left the house.  I love this picture. 

There were some tears as we left but not over going to school and being left at home. Maddie cried because she did not want to get up and wanted to go back to bed.

It is really neat that my kids go to the same Elementary School that I went to and where Nonna teaches.  Dalton will actually be in her grade level and his classroom is right next door.  So yesterday morning we had to stop by her classroom for hugs. 

I am so excited about Dalton's teacher this year because I have known her since we were in Jr. High. It is going to make delivering her Mary Kay easier too.  She has a check for her product in his take home folder when he got home. 

I did not get a picture of Brighton with her teacher because another student was having a melt down over her mother leaving her.  I am so thankful that I do not have shy children.  It would have made leaving her so hard.  She could not get there fast enough.  The entire process of getting a new back pack, lunch box and supplies has just made her more and more excited. 

When we got back in the car Maddie announces.  "I am your only child."  She was so content to play by herself all morning.  We ate lunch together and she was a different child with out the other two.  Errands went so smoothly and quickly getting only one child in and out of the car. I did realize last night some of the draw back to having two in school now though.  There is double the paperwork to fill out and it all the same information.  Double the cost for school supplies, lunch and school expenses.  Double the time getting lunches made in the morning and breakfast.  It is going to be interesting when all three are going to school. 

Worship Wednesday

I am going back to my Worship Wednesdays! I am at a point where I am striving  to be more worshipful in my life.  I know it works to bring me back to being centered and grounded in my faith.  Worship fills my storming soul with peace and fills me with power.  Last week I was worn out and having a tough week. The kids were not helping with their fighting and my hormones were not cooperating either.  As I have stated before I can sometimes have PMS so bad it can make me doubt my own salvation. So I turned off the TV and plugged in my Iphone to the speakers in the house and played worship music.  My kids acted better, I calmed down and peace flowed through the house. Worship is such a strong weapon to use against the schemes of the devil. When there is nothing I can do about my situation and I have laid it down at the foot of the cross, all I have left to do is worship. It is what I should have done first! It clears my mind from worry and turns my lips from complaining to praise! Tell God who he is and how much you love him! Thank him for all he has done! Sometimes our breakthrough come when we express our needs to God and verbally tell him that we know he has the power to heal and to mend.  Even when your heart does not start out believing it, the mind only knows what the tongue tells it! Cry out to him that he is the supplier of our needs! That is why I love the words to the chorus of the song, "You are Holy." "You are Lord of Lords, You are King of Kings, You are mighty God, Lord of everything! Alpha Omega! Beginning and End! My Savior Messiah Redeemer and Friend. Your my prince of Peace and I will live my live to Him." To keep idle hand from making things worse then I lift them in praise to Christ!  I love to sing that song because you are telling God that he is those things. It is not a song about him it is a song to him!  Sing that enough and your mind catches up, where the mind goes the emotions catch up, where the emotions go belief follows!  It is amazing the power that is released when we take our hands off our problems and raise them instead in praise!
Just like the people used to do when the king and the men would go into battle.  They would raise their hands cheering, lifting banners high in the air.  Banners telling their enemies who they supported! Banners with the crest of of the ruling king!  Our hands are our banners! We are telling the enemy which King we serve, which King we worship and which King we follow! We are celebrating our King and his battle as he goes into battle on our behalf! I love the image of that. This life is a battle but not any victory compared to the day that the King will come riding in on the white horse ending the final battle victoriously!  Raise your hands in worship with full abandonment because we serve the ruling King who will reign eternally and is always victorious!
"To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, for ever and ever!"
Revelations 5:13 

Quick Post

I am not feeling well today! Those of you out in blog land reading this if you could please pray.  Now is not the time for me to get sick.  I only need 7 more people to add or get active on my team to finish directorship and I am pushing to finish it this week!  My head is pounding, my chest is burning and I ache all over!  I really wanted to play on Taylor @ Undomestic Goddess today with her Top 2 Tuesday.  But really don't have time today.  So I thought I would just post a music video of a new song that I love.  I am not a huge Pink fan but I love her voice on this song and I love the words to this song.  Plus I gotta give the girl props. She not only nailed every note of the song singing live but she does it while swinging in the air! One more side note! I love all of my new followers and am super excited to get to 80! JUST 1 MORE!  Enjoy this song. 

Sunday Night Confessions-Posted on Monday

Yes, I know that it is Monday and I was so tired last night I did not have time to blog.  We have got to get into a better night time routine around our house with school starting soon.  My youngest two would not go to sleep last night! Grrrrr!  Yesterday in Sunday School our teacher Tricia asked us what we would do for God if we were not afraid? Then we had to get into groups and talk about it! It was neat because my group was my brother and his wife Jenny .  Jenny knows everything about me so as we talked I did not have to explain a lot.  I consider myself a risk taker and a bold person.  I am not afraid to meet people, talk to people or ask for what I need.  I have the mentality of "If you don't ask then you will never know."  But I have a lot of deep rooted fear that this question helped me dig into.  I am on the brink of having my biggest dream fulfilled and I am scared out of my mind!!!! I have wanted to be a Mary Kay sales director since I joined 14 years ago.  I mean it brings tears to my eyes I want it so bad.  To be a Mary Kay Sales director is the epitome of everything I want to be.  They are feminine, beautiful, strong leaders.  Not everyone gets to be one but it's open to anyone who wants to work hard enough to get it.  At Mary Kay events they are set a part and honored.  They have a huge platform to teach, speak and inspire other women.  The amount of income potential that a Mary Kay sales director can have is matched to Cooperate America and they don't have to sacrifice their families, motherhood or beliefs for it.  Plus, they have the most fashion forward suits that are designed for them each year and they can earn the use of the pink Cadillac.  I could work for other companies and I have been approach by every home based business that has come up over the years.  But Mary Kay is me.  It is a Christ centered company that is feminine and glamorous and so pro women. Plus, HELLO PINK CADILLAC!  It takes four months and certain qualifications to become a Sales Director and I am in my last month and I am TERRIFIED!  I finished the Queens Court of Sales two years ago and earned my 1st diamond ring.  I earned the use of my 1st car two years ago too.  But this is the hardest thing I have ever done because I have to trust others with my dream and include them in on it too.  In sales it is all on me.  I can sell this product in my sleep and have built a large clientele.  But my dream is now tied up into people recruiting under me and helping them reach their dreams.  That is where I realized my deep rooted fear lies.  I don't want to risk being disappointed in people who are not women of their words.  It is so hard for me to invest in people and they walk away.  It is hard to take someone at their word and then they let you down.  I usually do things myself because I don't want to risk being disappointed in people.  Nor do I want to be a disapointment to others.  I don't want to recruit an awesome person and dream with them and then they disappear from your life with no word.  I have to fight myself not to focus on all of the team members who did not keep their word and focus on the ones that did.  It is hard to be excited after being let down.  The last two months of qualifications have been an range of emotions and it has been difficult to risk running full speed ahead again.  But then I had a thought the other day that I have taken as my mantra, "Do not let the people who do not keep their word, stop me from seeking to find the ones that do."  I have some awesome women on my team that have rallied around my goal and begun to form goals of their own.  If not for Mary Kay and seeking them out I would not have them in my life.  I have to keep asking and seeking because I do not know who God is going to place in front of me that I was too discouraged to talk to.  It like what Mary Kay herself taught us, "Some will, some won't, so what."  I know that this is from my point of view from my little pink bubble, but it applies to life.  We have all been hurt in relationships and it can make us shut down and not reach out again.  It can make us perceive others as a threat.  But if we entrust our hearts to our heavenly father and allow him to lead us into fellowship with others then we are enriched and able to be used for his kingdom.  I can not pray for God to enlarge my territory if I do not embrace every opportunity he places in front of me.  My passion is reaching women.  If I can make a women feel more beautiful, more confident and learn who she is in Christ then that is all I could want.  My biggest accomplishment ever in my Mary Kay career is the two women who accepted Christ from a Skincare class.  It is a magical thing.  Through lipsticks and rouge women can be empowered and find a relationship with Jesus Christ.  When I put my fear in that light a what is little disappointment and frusteration? In the end it is all worth the risk.

So Inspired! Feature Friday

I have been in the middle of qualifications to becoming a director with Mary Kay.  So there has not been a lot of blogging time.   The last few month have been a wave of emotions, stress and big stories of victory.  God has been teaching me through his word about diligence and persistence as a growth of faith.  I will be blogging about my thoughts over the next few post.  But before I can have perseverance I have to have motivation.  I just got back from Seminar and I have to tell you how much I LOVE Seminar every year! It was fun going this year because I was a size smaller and had an entire new look.

Today I want to feature a new friend of mine Joy. Joy was the Queen last year of our National area and in the Queen's Court of Sales for the Saphire Seminar top 20! After talking with Joy I learned that the year she did this she had survived a brain tumor and home schooled three young children, two with disabilities.  She has one with autism and one with anger issues. As I talked with her I thought, "So what was my excuse now?"  Here is the picture of the top three with our National Sales Director in her last Seminar before retirement. 

This year Joy came back to Seminar and had not only done the Queen's Court of Sales again but now was the number two in Sales for the entire Saphire Seminar.  The Queen was not in attendance at Seminar and Joy got to give a speech. In it she thanked her family and talked about each of her children and what they had taught her.  Her oldest has taught her patience because of all the needs of her younger siblings.  She spoke of how proud she was of her.  Then she explained how her son with autism and taught her what persistence and determination looked like and thanked him for his positive attitude.  It was what she said about her last one with the anger issues.  She talked about how much she loved him and how even when things got broken in her home that God was using that to teach her not to be materialistic over earthly things.  Having three strong willed children all 8 and younger and a husband who works long hours, I thought these were good excuses as to why I had not completed all of my goals.  After getting to know Joy I need to make my children my reasons not my excuses. 

Seminar really inspired me this year and I thought I would share this years goals:

Finish Directorship Sept.1!!!

Complete the Queens Court of Sales top 20! Selling $50,000 this year!

Queen of Recruiting in the Saphire Seminar with 50 new qualified team members!

$300,000 Unit Club with my new unit!

These are some big goals but I a ready to grow and see God show up in a big way!

Thank You Jenny Childress!

My blog background disappeared and I did not have the patience to work on it.  My friend Jenny offered to help fix it and she fixed it up too! Now she is on a mission to look for me a zebra print.  I am redoing my office in Zebra and hot pink and it is my theme for Mary Kay this year.  Thank you Jenny for offering to help. You did a great job.

5 Question Friday

I have not played the 5 Question Friday in a while and I thought I would this week.  The older two kids are at VBS at our church and I have a few free moments before it is time to go pick them up.  I have been crazy with qualifications for Mary Kay right now that I have not had much time to blog.  I have missed it but I have huge goals to finish this month and next.  Other than keeping house, running after three kids and trying to work out it there is not a lot of time left to blog.  I could not find the link button on her site but you can play along with Mama M by clicking here. http://fivecrookedhalos.blogspot.com/2010/07/five-question-friday-71610.html She has a really cute blog I like to follow.

1. Do you collect anything?

I use to collect Gone with the Wind memorabilia.  I since moving from having it all over my highschool bedroom to having my own house. I did not have much space left for Scarlett and Rhett.  I have started a small collection of Twilight things since that is my new favorite set of books and movies.  I now collect jewelry crosses.  I love the ones I have gotten so far.  For Christmas I have copied my mother and started collecting Santa's to decorate with.
2. Name 3 celebrities that you find good looking.

When I was a teen I loved Chris Odonell and Kirk Cameron.  I just dated myself as a teen in the 90's.  Now there are several that I think are handsome but I like them when they are in character  not in normal life. (If that makes any sense.)  Number 1 would be Robert Pattinson when he is Edward. (Eclipse finally got him looking like the story book Edward.  Orlando Bloom when he is Legolas and in Pirates.  In normal day dress he is not "clean cut" enough for my taste. 
I think Zack Efforn is the cutest.  But I should pick someone out of their 20's right? It's my blog and I can do what I want. :)

3. Do you have any scars? If so, what's the story behind it (them?)?

I have one in my eyebrow where the hair does not grow.  I have to use brow gel to cover it up.  It is from when I was five and my three year old little brother was killing ants with a crow bar and I looked over is shoulder to see what he was doing.  He never he knew he hit me.  Now my question is where he got the crowbar and where our parents were at the time?

4. What is a food that you like to eat, but others might think it's gross or weird?

I like to dip french fries in a chocolate milkshake.  I don't think that is weird.  I also like to dip potato chips in ketchup. 

5. Have you ever seen a tornado in real life?

Not really.  I was in Belton when the big tornado hit Jarell Texas back in 1998 I think.  It's about 15 minutes north.  We had tornado's touch down in Temple, Belton and North Austin.  I just could not leave class due to the storm.